Life Update!

Don't worry, I'm still here. I miss blogging. I'm sure you miss reading my blog. I've been having lots of fun adventures and keep making notes to myself to come back and write about it. So what have I been doing with my time?

Here is what my Tuesday/Thursday schedule is like:

8:30-9:00ish - arrive at work

work all day, typically staring an excel spreadsheets, entering data, and sometimes doing some calculations if I am lucky. I only get up to use the bathroom or to get my lunch that I eat at my desk. This is a typical day. I've been doing a better job of getting out for lunch, but it is pricey in terms of both money, calories, and time. 

3:45-4:00ish - leave work and drive directly to school, sometimes eating a granola bar in my car

4:00-5:00 - sit in the computer lab at school frantically reviewing my notes trying to remember how to teach statistics.

5:00-7:30ish - blather on about statistics to incredibly bored undergraduates in the hottest classroom you can imagine. Only stop for water breaks.

7:30-8:00ish - drive home, become depressed at the idea of having to cook dinner and stop at some kind of drive-thru. Likely one that has rootbeer floats.

8:00ish - "unwind", eat my sad dinner while playing candy crush saga

8:30ish - write a disseratation and consume a rootbeer float

1:00am ish - go to bed

3:00am ish - fall asleep

Doesn't this sound awful? It's pretty intense. Luckily, it is making me productive as shit. Teaching is going well, and my writing is perhaps at its peak. My advisor has taken to writing compliments on my drafts. That never happens. Ever.

Monday and Wednesday are meant to be my easy days. Instead of teaching, I go home and grade either quizzes or homework assignments and enter grades. Then, I write my dissertation. 

I had every intention of taking Fridays off as mental health days, and unfortunately, I've been going in to work to get caught up on projects. And the weekends? Honestly, it's a blur. Usually laundry, cleaning my apartment, and letting my family know that I'm still alive.

I've been doing a variation of this schedule for about three weeks now, and I'm worried my mental and physical health are going to crumble. The good news is that I only have two more weeks of teaching and then things will calm down. 

I hate for this to sound overly negative and complainy, so I will end with the positives. 

I'm feeling incredibly lucky to be where I am compared to six months ago. It's amazing what you can do when you let go of negativity. Sure, getting laid off sucked, my new job isn't great. My boss is possibly a clinical psychopath. But you know what? I'm making good money, I have flexibility in my scheduling, and for whatever reason, the psychopath seems to like me on some days. I'm finally making real progress towards graduating, after a year of working on my dissertation and not really getting anything done (what was I doing?!). I'm planning on graduating in December and throwing the most epic party of all time. 

I've managed to maintain my unemployment weight. I've been cooking and finding time to exercise and feeling great. The best part is, I'm having more fun that I have had in a really long time. I've reconnected with old friends and have made some terrific new ones. I've spent a lot more time with my family and realized they are seriously the coolest people I know. I'm planning an epic vacation for my 30th birthday that I'm crazy excited about. I just need to find time to blog about all this awesomeness.

I'll leave you with my new life motto:

"Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” -Marilyn Monroe.

PowerPoint Fun!

Imagine this scenario...

You are collaborating on some PowerPoint slides with a colleague. You have just e-mailed the most recent version and they have some feedback for you. Which of the following is the most appropriate and efficient way to do this?

a.) Your colleague makes the changes to the slides, re-saves the file and sends it back to you for one last review.

b.) Your colleague e-mails you back with a couple of specific changes and asks you to make the changes and re-send.

c.) Your colleague prints out the entire slide presentation and then sits across from you in your office, silently writing out changes, fucks the entire order up, hands you the stack of 30 pieces of paper filled with chicken scratch and has you make the changes.

What. The. Fuck. Just. Happened?

PS. The good news is that I after I made all of the changes and e-mailed it back to him, he tried to tell me I did it wrong. Luckily I had an effing hard paper copy with his writing on it. Incriminating!

This is a first...

Yes, I am blogging while currently at work. Normally I am much more respectful of my organization and their time. Not today. I smell a revolution coming.

My main purpose for this entry is that I am bored. Completely, utterly, fucking bored. I've spent a considerable amount of time jacking around on the internet, but even I have my limits on how much Buzzfeed I can read, or how many cat pictures I can look at. I'm also working on my dissertation, hence why I decided to take a break to blog instead. Did I mention it is only 1:30pm? Yikes.

Here is what is going on. I am supposed to be co-presenting a webinar with my wonderful boss. This means that I have been tasked with making powerpoint slides. I made some pretty beautiful slides, all with no direction or input from him. I e-mailed them to him on Monday and he has since spent his time un-doing all of my good work by inserting his own slides with weird grammar, randomly capitalized words, terrible headings, and made up research. Yes, completely made up. Actually, he said he thought he remembered one of the stats as being something he read in grad school and wanted me to find a source for it. Side note: he went to grad school in the fucking 90s. That source either does not exist, or has long been discredited in the past twenty or so years.

I'm also reasonably sure he doesn't really know how to use powerpoint, because he keeps coming into my office and telling me things to change, rather than changing them himself and saving the file. I just don't understand it. The slides are supposed to be due today and I sent him my "final" version first thing this morning. He and another co-worker have spent all day frantically prepping for some big presentation that he is doing out of town tomorrow. My prediction of how this is going to go down is that he will either ignore my e-mail, or respond at 4:00 after I have left for the day. Meanwhile, he will be out of the office tomorrow and Friday, leaving my co-worker and I with literally nothing to do to occupy our time because he has been so fixated on this other project. We plan on having a part of some sort. It may or may not involve sandwiches.

I'm torn because I want to leave early today since I am so bored. On the other hand, I get paid by the hour, so part of me feels like I need to stick it out. I'm currently accepting any forms of internet distraction that my loyal readers may be able to provide...

Pyramid Scheme Part 2

Well when I'm right, I'm right. I did indeed get invited for coffee to discuss a pyramid scheme. At least it was for Amway, one of the most famous pyramid schemes of our time. Interestingly, some people view Amway as a cult and they do use various cult-techniques in their recruitment. Luckily I am a strong soul. Or I don't have a soul. Either way I have no interest in joining the Amway cult.

In more exciting news. It is springtime in Omaha. This means not only is it gorgeous outside, but there is rumor of a taco truck somewhere outside my office building. Have no fear, I will be conducting a thorough investigation. Fingers crossed that it will be totally sketch and delicious and not some hipster bullshit.

Pyramid Schemes and Other Dreams

Here's some life advice for all of you out there, if someone ever asks you if you are looking to make some extra money, you should probably always say NO. Here is how I came to this conclusion.

Someone from my former job recently sent me a message through LinkedIn (where all evil stems from) asking how I was doing and if I had found a job. First off, this is like four months after I got laid off. Of course I found another job. I'm fucking awesome and have a master's degree. She said asked whether I was looking for some project work to make some extra money. I wrote back telling her that I did indeed have a job, and asked if she could provide more details about this "project work". I figured if it was something straightforward like doing data entry or analysis, I could certainly do that in my spare time, giving me more experience and building some connections as an external consultant. Rather than responding to my questions like a normal human being, she gave my phone number to her daughter, whom I have been playing phone tag with for three weeks now. She only leaves cryptic messages about wanting to talk to me about an "opportunity". I finally got to talk to this person today and we are getting together tomorrow for coffee to talk about whatever the fuck this is. I still have no idea. How do I get myself into these situations? I assume it is either a pyramid scheme, or some kind of prostitution ring. Be sure to check back to find out how it all goes down.

In other news, work has been surprisingly more normal in recent days. My boss asked me about my dissertation progress, and I said I thought it was getting fairly close. He responded by saying that was bad news because he "didn't want to lose me". Is that not the most romantic thing a man can say to a woman? This was honestly the first glimmer I have ever seen that he has anything other than contempt and loathing for my obvious incompetence. It was kind of amazing. I agreed to co-facilitate a webinar with him, so that should be a nice blog-worthy nightmare soon enough. So far, my job involves finding research articles and making powerpoint slides, two things that are both in my wheelhouse. I'll be sure to let you all know where you can sign up for my webinar soon enough.

Sandwich Day!

This actually took place on March 13th, and for some reason I forgot to post it. Since then I have had several more delightful experiences with these sandwiches. Enjoy!


I had a life changing experience. Involving a sandwich. As part of my new research into downtown food places, I kept seeing Worker's Takeout being rated as one of the highest places downtown. Apparently, they had relocated from midtown to downtown, and according to their website, exist somewhere inside the First National Building (doesn't everything?). I asked my co-worker if she had ever been there. She said no, but had heard that it was really good. We asked another co-worker, who said the exact same thing, and had always wondered where it was. Abandoning our salads and yogurt cups, we decided to go investigate. After spending entirely too much time on the internet trying to figure out exactly where it was, we decided to walk over there and look for a Scooters, which apparently housed a secret sandwich shop. After walking through the Brandeis building, under the street, and into the First National building. We wandered around looking for a Scooters. We ended up the atrium of the building where some people were eating lunch, but still no sign of a Scooters. We finally broke down and asked the front desk security guy, who seemed reluctant to give up the location, but assured us that it was "really good'.

He directed us to yet ANOTHER TUNNEL in the building that would take us under the street to where the old First National building used to reside (they still have some offices there). This tunnel was awesome because it was pimped out with some neon lights that reminded me of the Chicago O'Hare airport. I didn't take a picture because there were too many people around. We finally emerged out the other side and found the Scooters. The menu was overwhelming because everything sounded amazing. We both ended up getting half sandwiches, which we cut in half again to swap flavors. I got a roast beef, bacon, and artichoke sandwich, while my co-worker got a Cuban. Both were the most amazing sandwiches of all time and only cost about 4 bucks. Needless to say, we will be back. Repeatedly. 

Lunch was definitely the highlight of the day. When I went to leave the parking garage for the day, my BFF Melody informed me that the credit card machine was broken and the garage was cash only that day. Of course, I had spent my last bucks on that amazing sandwich (no regrets), and who the hell carries cash anyways? Instead of being cool about it, Melody proceeded to exit her tiny kiosk and yelled at the line of five cars behind me to "back up, she has to go get cash!". I was completely mortified. After backing my car up into a nearby parking space, I got out, thinking I would go wander aimlessly across the street where Melody told me there was an ATM. Luckily, my co-worker/sandwich eating partner in crime, was in the line to get out and had witnessed my social shaming. She loaned me the cash, and I awkwardly re-entered the line of cars. I suspect Melody and I might be on thin ice for a while.

Keepin' on Keepin' on

Wanted to give an bit of an update to my four loyal readers (and whoever keeps searching for red Doc Martens on the internet and accidentally ends up here).

Our project is winding down and my boss asked if I wanted to continue working there.  I said "sure", which I think surprised both of us a little bit. It may not be the greatest situation, but at this point in my life, it is an okay match. I will hopefully be scaling back my hours a bit to work more on school stuff.

The boss is out of town again tomorrow, and we are already plotting thing. We will be making a special trip to get sandwiches from Worker's Takeout, the most amazing deli on the planet. I wrote a blog about it, and apparently forgot to post it. I'll have to do that tomorrow as well.

I also officially get my own office that overlooks the beautiful downtown Omaha skyline. Pics coming soon. The weather is warming up, and today when I walked to the garage, the skywalk felt like it was 120 degrees inside. It will be interesting to see what happens this summer.

Don't worry, I'm still here.

It's becoming harder to find time to blog. The good news is that I am done teaching, and will hopefully have free time. The other good news is, that I'm actually doing things that are fun, instead of hanging out and blogging and having a pity party, so it is good news all round. Except for the lack of blogging. That's a bummer for all of my readers. Maybe I should instead blog about my weekend adventures that include hanging out with Bill Nye the Science Guy, binge drinking, and having guys in bars show off their thongs. That might be an entirely different blog.

Not much to report on the work front. My boss was out of town Monday and Tuesday and it was literally the two greatest days in our office. It was so peaceful and stress-free and even a little fun. We made vending machine trips, ordered lunch on the company's dime, and listened to Pandora all day. It was heavenly. Tomorrow he comes back (maybe?) and it will be just the two of us. I'm sure I will get to hear all about his trip and how much smarter he is compared to every single person he had to interact with. Maybe I will get drunk before work.

Parallel Parking Nightmares

Work continues to be crazy. Hence the lack of blogging. Last Thursday, I worked from 8:30am to 10:00pm. That is a long day, my friends. I almost wished I had a child to use as an excuse to go home at a reasonable hour, but alas, corporate American loves to dump on young, unmarried ladies.

One of the really annoying things about working so late is that the parking garage closes ridiculously early. At least it does for people who pay everyday and don't have a cool monthly swipe card. To be on the safe side, my boss suggested that I move my car and park on the street while he went home to walk his dogs and pick up pizza for our late night work date (gross). I left the garage just before 6pm, thinking it would be empty and relatively easy to find street parking. Not the case. At all. I drove around for probably 20 minutes looking for a place to park that wasn't a billion miles away, or in the hood of Omaha. I finally spotted an open spot on the street between two cars. After circling around it two more times, I decided to attempt to parallel park.

I never learned how to parallel park. Despite taking driver's ed in high school and passing with flying colors, this was not even part of the curriculum. Ten minutes later, I wedged my poor car very badly in between the other two, saying a tiny prayer that they would both leave before I did. Then, I got to hike back to the office, still beating my boss back there.

Once 10pm rolled around, my co-worker and I had made a pact that we would leave at 10, no matter what. You would think that my boss would be a nice guy and offer to drive us to our cars, or show the least bit of concern for our safety when wandering the streets of downtown Omaha, but not so much. Instead, I walked with my co-worker to her car, and she drove me to mine. When we pulled up, the same two cars were there, effectively trapping me. I told her I was fine, and then took about 10-15 minutes to pull my car out from between the two cars. It was awful. And I kept driving up in the curb. People driving by probably thought I was wasted, and to be honest, I wish I was.

The moral of the story? Leave work when the garage closes. No later.

Ladies Room Etiquette

I'm starting to be terrible at blogging again. The main reason is that things have been insanely busy at work. Like coming in before 8am and staying till 6pm crazy. It is awful. The good news is that I am paid hourly, so I will have a nice paycheck in a couple of weeks. Party!

Lots of good lunch adventures. I had an amazing hot turkey sandwich this week. Also, one of my co-workers and I attempted to crash an employee party at the First National building. To be fair, there was a cotton candy machine involved that made the whole lobby area smell amazing. Sadly, there were guards checking people's IDs, and we were wearing coats, which is a dead giveaway. Now that it is getting warmer, I suspect it will be easier to sneak into things. I also had a dude in line at Greek day offer me his pita bread. Not sure what that means, but it has to be slang for something. I politely declined, but next time I am saying yes to free pita.

I wanted to make a brief note on here about the horrifying bathroom situation at my job. There is a public restroom on my floor near the elevator bays. Our office building is kind of old, but seems nice enough. But the bathroom situation is always abysmal. Mainly because animals seem to use it. Today, for example, there was a toilet paper barrier covering one of the seats. Except someone pissed on it. WTF?! I feel like every time I go in the bathroom there is something weird or gross in the toilet, on the floor, or some combination of the two. To make matters worse, I have discussed it with the two women in my office and they have confirmed my suspicions. I'm not sure what can be done about this, but I'm leaning towards some passive aggressive post-it notes. It's how women solve most of their problems.

Watercooler Adventures

Yesterday was a triumphant day for women everywhere. I changed the watercooler all by myself. It all started when I came in and made myself a cup of tea. I used almost all of the water. I thought this was very clever and that my boss would notice it was almost empty and change the tank. Unfortunately, this did not happen. Apparently my boss is a camel and drinks nothing all day. I, on the other hand, try to drink as much water throughout the day as humanly possible. I waited until lunchtime when I was nearly dehydrated. My boss left to go to lunch, and I decided to take a stand for feminism. My thinking was that if I spilled water all over myself and the office that it would have time to dry before he returned from lunch. I'm proud to report that I hardly spilled any, although changing it was super awkward, mainly because our cooler is up a little too high for someone who has recently quit working out.

In case you would like to properly change a watercooler, you can check out this article. Note, this is not how I did it. My method included stabbing it with a pen. I'm a maverick.

At least I didn't end up like Tobias or Liz Lemon.

The day my boss bought lunch

So this project that I'm working on is becoming more brutal by the day. The end of it is drawing closer, but it is sadly becoming more complex and my boss is becoming increasingly frustrated with things beyond our mortal control. As a result, I went in to work today, even though I have been taking Fridays off to work on prepping for teaching. My co-worker and I made a pact that we would leave no later than 2pm. Otherwise, we both knew we would be stuck there until midnight. Our pact worked surprisingly well, even though the boss threw a bit of a tantrum over us not being done yet.

The bright side of the day was that he offered to order Jimmy Johns. Not the most exciting lunch choice, but he paid, which is always a high point. The funny part was that my boss is a super Catholic and made a big deal about ordering the tuna sandwich. For whatever reason, I suddenly felt compelled/pressured to act like I was a devout Catholic. Maybe I was subconsciously trying to make him like me more? Maybe I'm finally becoming more proactive about potentially going to hell for eating meat on Fridays? Maybe tuna just sounded good? No, that can't be right. Every time I eat tuna salad, I'm consistently let down that it isn't chicken salad. I make some bomb chicken salad.

Speaking of bombs, I feel compelled to tell you all about a new TV show that I "discovered". (Fact- I discover great television shows). It's called Bomb Girls and airs on some channel in Canada, but you can watch the first season on Netflix. It is kind of like Downton Abbey in that it is a period drama that is centered around women working in a bomb factory in Canada during World War II. It is as compelling as Downton Abbey, but with even better with plot twists that involve lesbians, industrial accidents, abortions, Italian prison camps, and fireworks. Can you imagine?! Fireworks!

Anyways, feel free to check out the trailer and thank me later after you marathon the whole series with your cat.

My big sick weekend

So I was sick from Thursday last week and still don't feel 100% today. It was brutal. The lame part is that I didn't really get to miss any work and still had to grade assignment for my students. I realized that being sick is a lot like being unemployed.

1. You lay on the couch and watch a lot of Netflix. Seriously. It's debatable when I was able to watch more Netflix, unemployed vs. sick.
2. You lose a ton of weight. Instead of from depression though, it's from throwing up and being physically unable to manage to make yourself anything but toast or soup.
3. Everyone asks you if you're ok. Well, people who care about you anyway.
4. You don't have the energy to shower or put real clothes on.
5. But on the bright side, have a rocking hair day when you do finally shower.
6. Your apartment turns into a disgusting pit of despair.
7. You can't sleep at night. But this time it is because you are coughing/throwing up instead of just being depressed and anxious.
8. Your cat feels sorry for you. This is actually a perk to being sick. Unemployment did not gain my any sympathy from my cat, but she definitely felt bad that I was sick and even kept me company.
9. You can't wait to return to the real world and feel like a human being again.
10. You're at home, not making any money. The joys of being an hourly employee.

Throwback Thursday!

As I previously noted, I used to have a Xanga. It was a cool thing to have in college. Well, cool for people who weren't cool enough to have a Live Journal. At any rate, I was recently skimming through the entries, and came across this little gem. I feel like it fits in well with my current employment journey, and continues to be a warning for what may come in the future. Enjoy!

Thursday, January 06, 2005

• What is it about Dairy Queen?

Dairy Queen was my first job. Fast forward six years or so and it is now my current job. We definitely have a love-hate relationship with one another. So this is how I formed my theory which I have held for awhile now, but don't like to share with people...

Dairy Queen is like the boyfriend who beats you.

You first met when you were a young naive teenager. You thought he was the coolest and wanted to be near him. You try way too hard and finally land your dream role. You are so entralled with him. You can't wait to see him and he seems so wonderful. In reality, he's a little on the ghetto side and not the brightest crayon in the box. Or the sharpest. Or the prettiest. At first he's nice to you but he then starts to walk all over you. You would do anything for him, ditch your social life, come in early, leave late, nights, weekends, your summer vacation is spent with him. You don't notice at first but he's already suckered you in. Your friends start to notice little things. "You've been there how long and still only make $6 an hour?" "You don't even get free ice cream?" "You really had to clean up urine out of a trashcan?" "Oh, you still work THERE?" You begin to think maybe they're right. You can do better. There are other options. Bigger and better, more money, more freedom, more autonomy, less mess. But you feel you owe him. Afterall, he picked you with no experience, no talent, no nothing and took you in and gave you a chance. He begins to sense you're unhappy and starts making you promises he won't keep. "Baby, I'm giving you a raise." "I'll give you money for college if you stick with me." "I'll promote you so you have more responsibility." "I'll give you your own set of keys." Before you know it, years have passed and you are still miserable but still afraid to leave. He's safe, familiar, you're constant in a crazy upside down world. Finally one day you decide you have had enough and you plan to make your escape. You drop the bomb on him and feel guilty. You make excuses, you know, graduating high school, you need a change. It's nothing personal. It's not you it's me. He tried to be the bigger person and says he understands. In the end he doesn't even say goodbye to your face, no going away party, four years and not even a handshake. As you leave you tell yourself you're doing the right thing. You turn and look back and he has a smirk on his face. He knows you'll be back

And eventually you do go back. Why? Because deep down you do love him. He may be absusive and treat you like crap and walk all over you, but you can't help yourself. He's been with you through good times and bad. He's watched you grow and become the person you want to be. He's always been there and works with you when you need him to. You learn things from him you can't learn from anyone else and he learns things from you. And every once and a while, he'll do something really nice and unexpected that makes you so happy to be associated with him. Call it love, call it insanity, all you know is that no matter what happens or what he does, you'll always have a special soft spot in your heart reserved for him. And no matter how hard you try to leave him, you'll always come back to him.

Workin' at the Dairy Queen, the DQ.  I just can't stay away from you.

Dealing with difficult people

Conversation between me and my co-worker after both of us got yelled at by the boss.

CW: You don't really get upset over things. I wish I could be more like you. You're just so calm and collected all of the time.
ME: It's because I'm emotionally dead inside.
CW: ::laughs nervously::: Oh...

Honestly, I credit graduate school with both crushing my soul and simultaneously making me indifferent to difficult people (or most people). It turns out to be a curse much of the time, but a gift in the workplace whenever I seem to need it.

Sorry that's a lame update. In other news, I think I've caught a nasty bug, even after gloating to my doctor recently that I never get sick. Living alone and being sick is the worst. Over the next few days, my apartment will turn into a gross mess, and I will likely lose 10 pounds from not having energy to make myself food. If you don't hear from me, please check in to make sure my cat hasn't eaten me.

I assume she'll invite some friends over.

Teaching is Exhausting

For those of you who don't know (like I have strangers reading this blog anyways), I am teaching a five-week, super accelerated, advanced graduate statistics course. It is brutal. I come home from Saturday after talking for four hours and can't decide if I want to sleep, take a shower, or get wicked drunk. I'd like to do all four, but just can't decide on the order.

Teaching is exhausting and I have a ton of respect for people who do it regularly and do it well. I think the primary reason that my situation is so exhausting is the amount of mental energy and preparation that goes into every week. I can't even prep everything in advance, because I never know how much time I will have to spend on stuff. Today I spent 30 minutes walking them through a hand calculation because they kept asking questions.

The second exhausting factor is that these are grad students. For those of you who have never met a grad student, they are truly insane people. Most of them are super Type A, high strung, and neurotic. Grad students are used to succeeding at things, so when they are faced with a challenging class like this one, they literally lose their shit if things don't make sense the first time you go over something. I just want to shake them and tell them to calm down and trust that it will eventually click.

Or bring a flask to class.

Spoonless Thursday

Sorry to disappoint my loyal readers with my lack of an update. The truth is, things have been crazy busy this week. The class that I am teaching on Saturdays takes A LOT of preparation. Also, going drinking on a Wednesday night hasn't helped my productivity. I should have more material next week, as we have a meeting with a potential client. I'm excited to dress up like a grownup, wearing jeans to work everyday is kind of overrated.

Today I forgot to bring a spoon to eat my yogurt with. I found several metal spoons in a cupboard in the office that looked like they were recovered from an archeological dig. I debated going downstairs to the Starbucks to steal a spoon, but was worried that I would be tempted into buying a giant cookie. Instead, I attempted to drink my yogurt, much to the amusement of my co-worker. Hopefully that was the embarrassment I needed to invest in a box of spoons.Or forks.

Teeth Falling Out

Remember the time I talked about my creepy dream where my teeth are falling out? I watched a movie on Netflix this evening called The Giant Mechanical Man. There was a super creepy scene where Jenna Fischer has the same dream (thanks to the magic of CGI it is very vivid). There is also a philosophical discussion on the meaning of it. I couldn't find the scene online, but the trailer is below if you want to check it out.

Opa!

First off, this particular blog entry is dedicated to my good friend and partner in eating Greek food, Taleen Brady. She is currently living in South Korea, where there is a cruel shortage of Greek food.

Today our boss was out of town, so I was anticipating an epic lunch. One of my co-workers brought her lunch, and the other asked me if I wanted to order Chinese food. I was horrified because I had been looking forward to this particular Thursday. On our office "Summit" calendar, it was clearly marked that today was Greek Islands day at THE SUMMIT. Between the failing Greek economy, and my friend Taleen suffering from Greek food withdrawals, I felt that it was my duty as an American to indulge in some tasty Greek food.

I walked over to the Summit by myself, feeling very Mary Tyler Moore-esq. I even remembered how to get there. Fun fact, because First National is the tallest building in Omaha, if you get lost you can just look up and walk towards the tower. When I got there, the line was literally wrapped around the entire gift shop. It was insane. I probably stood in line for 10-15 minutes. When I got up to the front of the line, they had huge trays of gyro meat, chicken, and salad. And a giant tub of tzatziki sauce. Like a 5 gallon paint bucket of it. Seriously.

I took my food back to the office where I made a total pig out of myself. Katie's is my favorite Greek restaurant in Omaha (feisty feta!), but my Greek Islands takeout gave it a run for its money. Their sauce was amazing, and their Greek potatoes were phenomenal. At Katie's, you get two giant potatoes, but these were adorable little bite-sized potatoes. They must also cook them with big cloves of garlic, because I accidentally ate a clove of garlic because it looked like a potato. It didn't even phase me. Despite an intense food coma afterwards, I will be marking my calendar for whenever Greek day comes up again.

#heaven

More Lunch Adventures!

I embarked on yet another lunch adventure today. I was invited by some friends who work at ConAgra to join them for lunch in their fancy on-campus cafeteria. Let me tell you, it was fancy. But the adventurous part was my decision to walk there.

People in Omaha generally don't walk to places. It's a strange but true fact. At my previous job, I once drove my car to a lunch place that was across the street and maybe half a block down. I'm not proud of this, but it was really hot out and I was wearing uncomfortable shoes. Today, I decided to embrace the downtown Omaha lifestyle and walk to lunch. My lunch destination was about six blocks away, or just under a mile, according to my fancy pedometer. The main downfall was my poor shoe choice. I thought I was being smart by wearing flats, but they still hurt after a while. Next time I will pack some white Reeboks and fanny pack to change into. The second downfall was that it was COLD. My phone told me it was about 30 degrees, which isn't terrible by Nebraska terms, but the wind was a bit brutal at times. I'm pleased to report that I made it there in decent time without getting hit by a car. Even better, one of my friends was leaving early and drove me back to my office. I would have walked, but I probably had stayed too long between lunch and a fun office tour.

Be sure to check back for more lunch adventures. The boss is out of town tomorrow, so who knows what the day might bring...

Do you wash your hands with hot water?

I hope so. Especially if you work in my building. Because that is the only option you have.

 

Seriously. What if I want cold water?

I've always been crazy...

But it's kept me from going insane.

New theme song. Seems appropriate, right?

Spending my Friday night continuing to obsess over my statistics lecture for my first day of teaching tomorrow. Is it too simplistic? Too complex? Too long? Too many stupid statistics cartoons? What if they hate me? What if they love me? Like really love. In a creepy stalker way? What if I have a terrible hair day?

So many questions. Sorry that makes for a lame blog update. I'll be sure to let my loyal followers know how it all goes tomorrow. Yes, all three of you. :)

Until then, enjoy this awesome Waylon Jennings song I heard on the radio today. It is literally my new theme song. I'm going to carry a boombox will me and blast it everywhere I go. 

Snow Day Part Deux

So the last snow day that hit Omaha was a bit of a bummer. For me, it was just like any other day, which meant I slept in until 11:30 and watched Netflix all day with my cat, feeling sorry for myself? Today was a new snow day.

First, I should point out that there was been way too much hype over this "Winter Storm Q". Naming winter storms is a trend that needs to end. Like now. But that's a whole separate blog. Due to all of the hype, and the Weather Channel's Jim Cantore being in town, many local schools canceled Wednesday night. So of course, this meant that there was zero snow on the ground this morning. Seriously.

My plan had been to e-mail my boss and tell him I was too scared to drive to work and was fearful for my life. However, the complete lack of snow eliminated this option. I'm glad I actually got to go to work for several reasons.
1. Being home all day at my apartment is terrible because of the children across the hall.
2. Getting paid and having a purpose for waking up in the morning.
3. Still parking on the 8th floor of the parking garage and having a bit of a snow frolic up there before going home.
4. The thrill of getting to go home early, while still feeling somewhat productive!
5. Getting to eat amazing Chinese food from The Summit (secret underground food place that I previously blogged about).

After working, I got to enjoy a special snow day meal of crock-pot turkey with mashed potatoes and gravy, that I prepared this morning and my cat supervised in my absence. The evening has been a productive blend of prepping for my class I'm teaching this weekend, and watching Thursday night TV on NBC. Not too shabby of a day.

You gotta hear this one song...

I've always been convinced that I was born in the wrong decade for music. Although my taste may be somewhat eclectic, it definitely skews towards older music. I still think some of the CDs I listened to in high school are amazing and modern stuff just doesn't impress me, for the most part (that probably sounds super snobby?).

That said, I haven't actually purchased a CD since...jeez, I don't even know. High school? College? I think in college it was cooler to burn CDs or just listen to Napster. Anyways, I bought my first CD in a really, really, long time after catching part of Alabama Shakes on SNL last weekend. It was only nine bucks at Target. I suggest you check it out. It'll change your life. I swear.

Elevator adventures

Perhaps you remember my previous rant about the creepiness of the elevator at my old job. Well, luckily my new job has an equally terrifying elevator situation.

One of the cool things about my job is that there is a parking garage with a sky-walk that attaches to my office building. Sky-walks might be one of the greatest inventions of our time. It allows you to get where you are going without dealing with the harsh elements of the outside world (although our sky-walk is about the same temperature as outside, at least there is no wind).

The parking garage is nice too because parking downtown is terrible. I'm sure parking downtown in any city is terrible, but Omaha just seems a bit more ridiculous. The garage takes away the stress of looking for street parking and having to walk (again, the elements!). This comes at a price, specifically eight dollars a day. Luckily, I get reimbursed for parking, otherwise that might be a deal breaker.

Ugh, why does it have to be glass so I can see everything?!

Do people really like gazing out of a clear elevator at the ground below them? I think it's creepy. That, coupled with the fact that the thing shakes like crazy, and makes an extremely unpleasant and terrifying whining noise when it is cold, makes me only too certain that I will die at the nonexistent hands of this elevator.

Look out, sky-walk! Imma coming for you!

The first couple times I rode it, I would hold my breath close my eyes (assuming I was alone). Now? I take the stairs. All the way from the eighth floor. No regrets.

Once I pass through the magical sky-walk, I still need to go up a floor to get to my office. There are six elevators, just like a damn Hilton hotel. They seem more mechanically sound than the garage elevator, but still have an odd hesitation when you reach your floor, before the doors open. Also, one of them has padded walls. No joke.

This elevator takes you to the psychiatric ward.

The weird thing is, I don't think I could tell you when I developed my irrational fear of elevators (maybe around the same time I started disliking birds?). Either way, I'm thankful for the cardio workout I've been getting by taking so many stairs.

Lunch time!!!

I finally got to experience the joy of downtown lunch! One of my co-workers suggested that we check out all the secret places and offered to show me where everything is. We invited my boss and he politely declined, so there is still awkwardness there.

We first left our building and headed to the Brandeis building, which is a fancy historical landmark in Omaha. It used to be big department store, where my mom would go and get her picture taken with Santa when she was growing up. It's still a very pretty building, but the inside is a hodgepodge of abandoned office buildings, and new condos that are being built. The food court is in the basement and has nearly every ethnicity you could hope for represented. There is also an Eileen's Cookies and a Vic's Corn Popper for if you just want snacks. Unfortunately, today was President's Day, a fake holiday in which the banks are closed, thus taking out a large chunk of the downtown population. Instead of eating at Brandeis, we continued through an UNDERGROUND TUNNEL. Yes, you read that correctly. There is an underground tunnel that leads over to what I think is the old First National Building (we were inside, so it was tough to tell exactly which building it was). Inside, they have what looks like a normal giftshop (random for being inside a bank). If you go to the very back of the giftshop, they have a takeout area where different caterers come in. Today was La Mesa (Mexican food for those of you who don't speak Spanish). I ended up with a giant takeout box of Mexican food, plus chips for about $8.00 bucks. We took our food back to the office, because there weren't a ton of seats, and so we could pretend to talk about work stuff to get paid through the lunch hour. Classic!

The only downside was feeling incredibly full and sleepy after eating all of that. It might have to be a once in a while treat for me, since I am trying to maintain my unemployment diet (down almost 20 pounds, holla!).

To balance out my victorious lunch, you know something else had to happen to spoil it. In honor of President's Day, the parking garage was half empty. I normally park on the top level, because it is so full (and because the view is a beautiful thing to walk out to after a long day). However, today, I parked on level four, making a mental note. When I went to look for my car, I definitely could not find it, and wandered around for probably 7-10 minutes. Super embarrassing because a lot of people drove by and probably thought I was drunk.

I also missed my interstate exit again. Win some, lose some.


If it was 1908, I may have eaten lunch here.

Unemployed people worse off than me

I can't stop reading this series from Gawker. Although I can relate to a lot of the stories and feelings described, I feel incredibly lucky and grateful that I was able to find something else relatively quickly. Still, those residual depressive, anxious, and fearful feelings are still in there somewhere.

If you know someone who's in this situation, be sure to reach out and let them know you care.

And buy them a beer.

http://gawker.com/5927342/hello-from-the-underclass-unemployment-stories-vol-one?tag=hello-from-the-underclass

Blog Love!

Thanks to the amazing Taleen Brady for plugging my blog on her blog. The truth is, hers is way cooler than mine and she was the inspiration for me starting my blog. It will change your life.

I quit numbering my days on the job, because they are starting to blur together a bit. I get paid next week, which I am pretty jazzed about. I'm already plotting on how to spend my newly earned money after my triumphant return to the same budget I used while I graduate school (hint: it will involve pink lady apples and Banana Republic).

This week is going much more smoothly. I'm finally figuring things out and becoming more efficient at getting things done, and maybe even impressing the boss a little bit. I'm also forcing him to talk to me more, thus causing him to like me and be nicer. So far it's working. I sometimes think I would like to teach a class on social skills that everyone in America would be required to take. I could design the curriculum and market it to the masses at a huge profit. I've been doing some preliminary research on this by testing my own social skills.

Being unemployed is lonely business. Most of the time I would spend at home alone with my cat (who you know was very judgmental at the time), or out being treated to lunch or drinks my unemployment sympathizers. Now that I am around people again, I'm trying to embrace it. I've already become besties with Melody, the parking garage attendant. Our discussions right now are primarily weather-based, but I'm excited to see where our relationship goes. Maybe she will go to lunch with me? I've also been trying to talk to people in elevators, which has been fairly successful so far. Finally, I try to say hi to everyone I pass in the hallway. I never knew that people did this in workplaces, because in graduate school, people were chronically awkward and unfriendly. It's nice to have human interaction again!

Speaking of lunch, I have still yet to experience lunchtime awesomeness, mainly because I've been working through lunch due to some project deadlines. Maybe next week the lunch revolution will start? Maybe I will ask Melody to join me...

Cheers to the freakin' weekend

Not much to report, just wanted to make sure to post something to hold myself accountable. Good times were had all weekend, with just the right amount of socially awkward situations mixed in that help make life more interesting. I'm hoping to gain many more followers after the events of Friday (hint hint people).

Today I had a concert for wind symphony. I think sometimes I take it for granted, but I feel incredibly lucky to have music in my life. It is truly one of the few things I can always count on to cheer me up and boost my spirits. Besides making music, I've also been listening to music non-stop lately (it helps block out the sound of my brain talking). When you really stop to think about it, music is basically one of the most amazing and magical things that exists in our world.

One of the coolest things about live music, in particular, instrumental live music, is overtones. I wasn't a music major or engineer, so this is a pretty lame explanation of how overtones work. Brace yourself for some nerdiness.

When you build a chord, you have different pitches operating at different wavelengths. What makes a chord sound nice or unpleasant depends on how the different frequencies line up. Sometimes when everything lines up just right, you get this super cool effect of hearing other notes that aren't physically being played. So if you play a triad (three notes) that are perfectly in tune, you'll be able to hear the whole range of harmonics, and it sounds magical. 

Anyways, that's enough nerdiness. If you want to more know, you can definitely google it to learn about the technical side. But you really have to experience it live. Trust me on this one.

Day Three...Frustration and Triumph...

How long can I maintain blogging? I feel like numbering the days helps keep me accountable. Today was incredibly frustrating. First, the type of work I am doing is brand new. Second, my new boss is super socially awkward and has basically given me no instruction or training of any kind. Third, the project I am working on is way behind schedule, so tensions are a little high. I thought I might lose it and walk out today after trying to read this guy's mind, doing something, and then being told I did it wrong. Part of my task involves entering data into an incredibly complicated Excel spreadsheet, which I found several errors on. The final straw is that I was given a Dell laptop circa 1989 that is running what I can only assume is Windows 97. It's really slow and horribly inefficient.

Now for the good news. After almost freaking out, I did manage to figure out a lot of stuff today. I feel like I have some sense of what I am doing now, and will hopefully get a lot done tomorrow. My goal is to wow this guy, even though he seems to be hard to impress. Let's be honest, if there's one thing I can do, it is deal with difficult people and still rock the shit out of whatever I do.

Boom.

(that was a truth bomb, in case you are unfamiliar)


PS. I left after 5 today and took the "long way' home. Meaning no interstate. Took the same damn amount of time. Ugh.

Day Two Awkwardness...

I think I jinxed myself with all of my glorious talk about lunch. Through a series of bizarre events, I did not even eat lunch today. No, I'm not anorexic, or trying to maintain my depression-fueled Unemployment Diet. Here's how it went down.

Today it was only me and my new boss in the office. I had assumed that he would take me to lunch, due to the information I received yesterday about him going out for lunch everyday, and the fact that I am delightful and everyone wants to have lunch with me. However, as a backup, I took a cereal bar and a Soup at Hand with me, just in case.

My boss left for lunch and did not invite me. It was awkward. Maybe he was meeting someone else for lunch? Maybe he is manorexic, and actually doesn't eat lunch? Maybe he thought I would be weirded out by a lunch invitation? Maybe he was worried about sexually harassing me? I did have on a rather fetching cardigan today. After he left the office, I pondered these various explanations and then decided I would just eat my soup that I brought. At that point, I realized we do not have a microwave, or any other mechanism for heating soup. We have a refrigerator, a Keurig machine, and a fancy water cooler (hot and cold water!), but I definitely imagined a microwave that does not exist on this plane of reality. I briefly considered having cold soup (it was creamy tomato) or thinking of some way to use the hot water from the water cooler to heat it. Neither option seemed appealing.

Next, I considered leaving and going somewhere for lunch by myself. I decided against this because. 1. It sounded depressing. 2. I was worried about potentially running into my boss at a nearby lunch establishment and dealing with more awkwardness. 3. It looked kind of dreary out and I wasn't thrilled about leaving the building to wander around in search of food.

Finally, after all of this obsession, I realized that I actually wasn't even hungry. I went in at 10am, meaning I had a later breakfast and wasn't even hungry at noon. It was all in my head! So I powered through the stuff I was working on and ate my cereal bar later in the afternoon. When my boss came back from "lunch" he didn't even acknowledge that I didn't appear to have eaten lunch. Maybe he thinks I have an eating disorder?

The moral of the story is to bring a backup lunch that does not require heating. Or to make lunch plans with someone in advance.

Today also ended with a minor emotional breakdown in my car driving home. Mainly because I cannot figure out how to efficiently get home from downtown during rush hour traffic. That might need to be its own entry though.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go eat all of my calories for the day for dinner.

Day One!

Today I started my new gig! I think things went pretty smoothly, considering I was rolling on three hours of sleep and puking the night before. I was able to get up sufficiently early to drive downtown and figure out how to get into the parking garage I needed. Then, I went to the wrong building. There are actually two larger "towers" downtown labeled north and south, and I accidentally went to the north one instead. Luckily, I got there plenty early to bond with the dude at the information desk. I'm working with a friend from school and she gave me a tour, including the skywalk, which is the easier way to get to the garage, and to ensure that I reach the correct tower. Our office is pretty cool. It looks like a "real" office. Especially compared to what I was in before. Some of the highlights include: really nice chairs, windows that overlook downtown Omaha, a watercooler (just like in the movies!), and what appears to be an unlimited supply of Bakers chocolates. I'm also excited about all of the places to eat lunch downtown. From what I hear, the other people in the office are very "pro lunch". I might just gain back my ten pounds that I have lost while unemployed. First, there are a billion restaurants nearby. Second, the First National bulding (the one I puked in one time) rotates catering from different restaurants every day. Third, Union Pacific is right across the street, and the rumor is that they have a kick ass cafeteria that is open to the public. Finally, there is the Brandeis building that has tons of secret restaurants in the basement that only downtown people know about. Apparently there is a really good Greek place that even serves breakfast. Greek breakfast! Can you imagine?

So naturally eating food is what I'm most excited about at this point. The work itself is likely going to be a little on the tedious side, but I'm excited about learning something new. Tomorrow is just me and the boss. He told me not to come in until 10 (he is also pro sleeping in).

That's all I got for now, blog world. I'll keep you posted on any exciting developments, like what I eat for lunch tomorrow, and how long it takes me to drive home in rush hour traffic. Stay tuned!

The tooth about unemployment...

Warning, this entry might be disturbing.

I had a super creepy and vivid dream last night that involved my teeth falling out. It started with one loose tooth on the bottom, near the back of my mouth. I thought it was unusual, but for some reason thought there might be another tooth underneath it that was trying to grow in. I tried to avoid touching it, but eventually decided to pull it out. Terrible idea. The rest of my nearby teeth seemed to be all attached, and easily removable. It was super horrifying. I'm probably not explaining it that great, but it was a dream and is a bit fuzzy. Also, if I did a good job of explaining, it would probably scar you for life.

This dream is noteworthy for a couple of reasons. First, I've been having terrible insomnia, as previously noted. So it is lousy that my first night of decent sleep was ruined by such a traumatic dream. The second noteworthy aspect is that I seldom remember my dreams. I just don't. Or, I'm the kind of person who will think during my dream "hey, I should remember this so I can tell people about it when I wake up" and then I never do. The third reason, is that the teeth falling out dream has been a recurring one that has haunted me for years.

I think it may have started my senior year of high school. I was one of those kids who was anxious about college and basically everything else in my life. I think it reoccurred my senior year of college when I was trying to decide what to do for grad school, and likely again around the time I had my wisdom teeth out, when there was a legitimate fear of my teeth falling out. I'm sure there have been other instances, but those are the ones that stand out in my mind. There are sometimes variations of the dream. Like one time it was my teeth disintegrating in my mouth while I was trying to chew food. Otherwise, its the bloody, gross variety like the one from last night. Either way, it is creeptastic enough to stick out in my mind.

So what does my teeth falling out dream mean in my unemployed state? I dig some digging, and found a couple of interpretations. Teeth are considered a symbol of power (e.g. used to bite, chew, and rip things on a kind of neanderthal level). Losing your teeth can mean that you are feeling powerless. Other interpretations include, feeling self-conscious about your appearance, fear of getting old, and fear of rejection. These dreams can also result from feelings of inferiority and lack of self-confidence or feelings of control over some aspect of your life? Finally, the myth of the Tooth Fairy appears to have a loose association with these types of dreams, so it is possible that I will be coming into a large sum of money soon. Let's go with that one.


This will haunt your dreams...

Productivity!

I finally had a breakthrough today. I finished a grant application, which is ready to mail, and also submitted a new draft of my dissertation. Hooray! I think I am more productive when I work on things at school, as much as I hated to leave my apartment today (it was about nine degrees outside all day). Also, the traffic leaving campus to drive home sucks. Otherwise, I can't complain too much about getting stuff done.

Since that is my positive news, I will mention the negative news. My insomnia is not going away. It might be getting worse. I tossed and turned until about 3am last night. Brutal. I briefly contemplated getting up and trying to do something or watch a movie. I also considered a drive to wait for the sun to rise, but again, it's damn cold out these days. Instead I continued to lay there staring at the ceiling. Hopefully it stops soon...

Snow Day!

Overnight we had about 4 inches of snow fall, resulting in a snow day for most of Omaha. Me? Not impressed. Everyday is a snow day for me. Although I'm happy for all of my teacher friends and their excited Facebook statuses about sleeping in, I can't help thinking how old it is getting. Sometimes we need a reason to get out of bed and put pants on. Also, kids being off school means that all of the horrible children in my apartment complex are home all day and are being extra annoying.

The good news is that I now will have a reason to get up and put real pants on. I found some work! I'll be doing some project/contract work with a local consulting firm doing some compensation analysis. It is something I have never done before, so I am excited to learn something new and hopefully add to my professional development. The project is only expected to last 2-3 weeks, but it is better than nothing, and the extra money will be nice.

Speaking of money, I started on my tax return and it looks like for the first time in many years I will be getting a decent refund. In 2011, when I did my taxes I had five different W2s, resulting in my owning the government a pretty penny. A lot of this was due to small jobs where I made very little money and thus paid very little taxes. I also had some independent contract work where they don't take taxes out. It was awesome at the time, but it really hurt when tax season came around. This past year, for the first time in a while, I only had one W2, hence the nice refund. I wonder how many I will have in 2013? So far I have four lined up, maybe I can break my previous record. I'll just have to keep in mind to mentally prepare for the harshness of the contract work.

That's all I have for now. I'll keep you all posted when I start my contact work next Monday. I will be working downtown, which should be a fun new adventure. Very Mary Tyler Moore. I might need to buy a beret to throw into the air.

In honor of Omaha's snow day, check out these fun pictures of cats enjoying snow.

Time is flying by...

I'm already becoming terrible at blogging. Part of the reason, is I worry I am running out of material. The other reason, is I can feel myself getting more depressed about my situation. I'm doing a decent job of fighting it off, but it definitely comes and goes. I was feeling really optimistic about some leads for project work, I've sent several e-mails to contacts, letting them know that I am available for ANYTHING. And I have yet to receive a single response. Must not panic yet, but we're almost up to a month here.

This weekend I did a lot of drinking. Probably not the healthiest, most constructive thing to do, but it felt good and I needed to get it out of my system. Unfortunately, that meant that the other part of the weekend involved laying on my couch hungover with my judgmental cat. We did take a nap together. It was adorable.

On Saturday, I took all of the change I could find in my apartment to the bank to cash in. Hello $27.71. The bank teller definitely thought I was crazy. I tried to make some jokes about it to lighten the mood, but she didn't seem to think I was funny. Her loss. The good news is I won't have to do that again anytime soon because I literally cashed in every single coin I could find. The bad news is, I no longer have a crazy supply of quarters for the DIY carwash.

To put a positive spin on things, I'm hoping this blog will be useful in forcing me to do constructive things with my time, rather than sitting around watching Netflix and eating frozen yogurt (it's healthier than ice cream). My second goal is to be able to look back on this time in my life one day, and hopefully marvel at how far I have come. Or laugh. Or use it as a basis to write my memoirs.

The good news is, I'm not alone...

Turns out lots of people are unemployed. And not just in the U.S.

Apparently there are 197 million jobless people around the world.

Next step? Let's organize and start a revolution. Or at least meet at the bar.


Sorry employed people who hate their jobs, you've already had your day in the sun. 

Things that rock about being unemployed...

I caught a little bit of depression yesterday while watching the inauguration coverage on TV yesterday. I found myself wonder how I would respond to the question "Are you better off than you were four years ago?" I'm still not sure what the answer is, but rather dwelling on negative things, I thought I would write about a more positive topic.

One thing that rocks about being unemployed is the incredible amount of support you receive from the people around you. I'm in awe over the number of people who have sent me messages of encouragement, job postings, taken me out to eat, listen to me vent, bought me drinks to drown my sorrows, it's just amazing. If you're reading this, odds are that you are one of these amazing people. Thank you.

In other news, it snowed last night and according to local news, people have once again forgotten how to drive cars. Instead, I am holed up in my apartment with a blanket, drinking coffee, and watching the 25th Anniversary Special of Les Mis. A girl could get used to this lifestyle...

In case you were wondering, my cat is in the other room. She hates musicals about French revolutions and resents me.

Check out these awesome Les Mis memes!