Pyramid Schemes and Other Dreams

Here's some life advice for all of you out there, if someone ever asks you if you are looking to make some extra money, you should probably always say NO. Here is how I came to this conclusion.

Someone from my former job recently sent me a message through LinkedIn (where all evil stems from) asking how I was doing and if I had found a job. First off, this is like four months after I got laid off. Of course I found another job. I'm fucking awesome and have a master's degree. She said asked whether I was looking for some project work to make some extra money. I wrote back telling her that I did indeed have a job, and asked if she could provide more details about this "project work". I figured if it was something straightforward like doing data entry or analysis, I could certainly do that in my spare time, giving me more experience and building some connections as an external consultant. Rather than responding to my questions like a normal human being, she gave my phone number to her daughter, whom I have been playing phone tag with for three weeks now. She only leaves cryptic messages about wanting to talk to me about an "opportunity". I finally got to talk to this person today and we are getting together tomorrow for coffee to talk about whatever the fuck this is. I still have no idea. How do I get myself into these situations? I assume it is either a pyramid scheme, or some kind of prostitution ring. Be sure to check back to find out how it all goes down.

In other news, work has been surprisingly more normal in recent days. My boss asked me about my dissertation progress, and I said I thought it was getting fairly close. He responded by saying that was bad news because he "didn't want to lose me". Is that not the most romantic thing a man can say to a woman? This was honestly the first glimmer I have ever seen that he has anything other than contempt and loathing for my obvious incompetence. It was kind of amazing. I agreed to co-facilitate a webinar with him, so that should be a nice blog-worthy nightmare soon enough. So far, my job involves finding research articles and making powerpoint slides, two things that are both in my wheelhouse. I'll be sure to let you all know where you can sign up for my webinar soon enough.

Sandwich Day!

This actually took place on March 13th, and for some reason I forgot to post it. Since then I have had several more delightful experiences with these sandwiches. Enjoy!


I had a life changing experience. Involving a sandwich. As part of my new research into downtown food places, I kept seeing Worker's Takeout being rated as one of the highest places downtown. Apparently, they had relocated from midtown to downtown, and according to their website, exist somewhere inside the First National Building (doesn't everything?). I asked my co-worker if she had ever been there. She said no, but had heard that it was really good. We asked another co-worker, who said the exact same thing, and had always wondered where it was. Abandoning our salads and yogurt cups, we decided to go investigate. After spending entirely too much time on the internet trying to figure out exactly where it was, we decided to walk over there and look for a Scooters, which apparently housed a secret sandwich shop. After walking through the Brandeis building, under the street, and into the First National building. We wandered around looking for a Scooters. We ended up the atrium of the building where some people were eating lunch, but still no sign of a Scooters. We finally broke down and asked the front desk security guy, who seemed reluctant to give up the location, but assured us that it was "really good'.

He directed us to yet ANOTHER TUNNEL in the building that would take us under the street to where the old First National building used to reside (they still have some offices there). This tunnel was awesome because it was pimped out with some neon lights that reminded me of the Chicago O'Hare airport. I didn't take a picture because there were too many people around. We finally emerged out the other side and found the Scooters. The menu was overwhelming because everything sounded amazing. We both ended up getting half sandwiches, which we cut in half again to swap flavors. I got a roast beef, bacon, and artichoke sandwich, while my co-worker got a Cuban. Both were the most amazing sandwiches of all time and only cost about 4 bucks. Needless to say, we will be back. Repeatedly. 

Lunch was definitely the highlight of the day. When I went to leave the parking garage for the day, my BFF Melody informed me that the credit card machine was broken and the garage was cash only that day. Of course, I had spent my last bucks on that amazing sandwich (no regrets), and who the hell carries cash anyways? Instead of being cool about it, Melody proceeded to exit her tiny kiosk and yelled at the line of five cars behind me to "back up, she has to go get cash!". I was completely mortified. After backing my car up into a nearby parking space, I got out, thinking I would go wander aimlessly across the street where Melody told me there was an ATM. Luckily, my co-worker/sandwich eating partner in crime, was in the line to get out and had witnessed my social shaming. She loaned me the cash, and I awkwardly re-entered the line of cars. I suspect Melody and I might be on thin ice for a while.

Keepin' on Keepin' on

Wanted to give an bit of an update to my four loyal readers (and whoever keeps searching for red Doc Martens on the internet and accidentally ends up here).

Our project is winding down and my boss asked if I wanted to continue working there.  I said "sure", which I think surprised both of us a little bit. It may not be the greatest situation, but at this point in my life, it is an okay match. I will hopefully be scaling back my hours a bit to work more on school stuff.

The boss is out of town again tomorrow, and we are already plotting thing. We will be making a special trip to get sandwiches from Worker's Takeout, the most amazing deli on the planet. I wrote a blog about it, and apparently forgot to post it. I'll have to do that tomorrow as well.

I also officially get my own office that overlooks the beautiful downtown Omaha skyline. Pics coming soon. The weather is warming up, and today when I walked to the garage, the skywalk felt like it was 120 degrees inside. It will be interesting to see what happens this summer.

Don't worry, I'm still here.

It's becoming harder to find time to blog. The good news is that I am done teaching, and will hopefully have free time. The other good news is, that I'm actually doing things that are fun, instead of hanging out and blogging and having a pity party, so it is good news all round. Except for the lack of blogging. That's a bummer for all of my readers. Maybe I should instead blog about my weekend adventures that include hanging out with Bill Nye the Science Guy, binge drinking, and having guys in bars show off their thongs. That might be an entirely different blog.

Not much to report on the work front. My boss was out of town Monday and Tuesday and it was literally the two greatest days in our office. It was so peaceful and stress-free and even a little fun. We made vending machine trips, ordered lunch on the company's dime, and listened to Pandora all day. It was heavenly. Tomorrow he comes back (maybe?) and it will be just the two of us. I'm sure I will get to hear all about his trip and how much smarter he is compared to every single person he had to interact with. Maybe I will get drunk before work.

Parallel Parking Nightmares

Work continues to be crazy. Hence the lack of blogging. Last Thursday, I worked from 8:30am to 10:00pm. That is a long day, my friends. I almost wished I had a child to use as an excuse to go home at a reasonable hour, but alas, corporate American loves to dump on young, unmarried ladies.

One of the really annoying things about working so late is that the parking garage closes ridiculously early. At least it does for people who pay everyday and don't have a cool monthly swipe card. To be on the safe side, my boss suggested that I move my car and park on the street while he went home to walk his dogs and pick up pizza for our late night work date (gross). I left the garage just before 6pm, thinking it would be empty and relatively easy to find street parking. Not the case. At all. I drove around for probably 20 minutes looking for a place to park that wasn't a billion miles away, or in the hood of Omaha. I finally spotted an open spot on the street between two cars. After circling around it two more times, I decided to attempt to parallel park.

I never learned how to parallel park. Despite taking driver's ed in high school and passing with flying colors, this was not even part of the curriculum. Ten minutes later, I wedged my poor car very badly in between the other two, saying a tiny prayer that they would both leave before I did. Then, I got to hike back to the office, still beating my boss back there.

Once 10pm rolled around, my co-worker and I had made a pact that we would leave at 10, no matter what. You would think that my boss would be a nice guy and offer to drive us to our cars, or show the least bit of concern for our safety when wandering the streets of downtown Omaha, but not so much. Instead, I walked with my co-worker to her car, and she drove me to mine. When we pulled up, the same two cars were there, effectively trapping me. I told her I was fine, and then took about 10-15 minutes to pull my car out from between the two cars. It was awful. And I kept driving up in the curb. People driving by probably thought I was wasted, and to be honest, I wish I was.

The moral of the story? Leave work when the garage closes. No later.

Ladies Room Etiquette

I'm starting to be terrible at blogging again. The main reason is that things have been insanely busy at work. Like coming in before 8am and staying till 6pm crazy. It is awful. The good news is that I am paid hourly, so I will have a nice paycheck in a couple of weeks. Party!

Lots of good lunch adventures. I had an amazing hot turkey sandwich this week. Also, one of my co-workers and I attempted to crash an employee party at the First National building. To be fair, there was a cotton candy machine involved that made the whole lobby area smell amazing. Sadly, there were guards checking people's IDs, and we were wearing coats, which is a dead giveaway. Now that it is getting warmer, I suspect it will be easier to sneak into things. I also had a dude in line at Greek day offer me his pita bread. Not sure what that means, but it has to be slang for something. I politely declined, but next time I am saying yes to free pita.

I wanted to make a brief note on here about the horrifying bathroom situation at my job. There is a public restroom on my floor near the elevator bays. Our office building is kind of old, but seems nice enough. But the bathroom situation is always abysmal. Mainly because animals seem to use it. Today, for example, there was a toilet paper barrier covering one of the seats. Except someone pissed on it. WTF?! I feel like every time I go in the bathroom there is something weird or gross in the toilet, on the floor, or some combination of the two. To make matters worse, I have discussed it with the two women in my office and they have confirmed my suspicions. I'm not sure what can be done about this, but I'm leaning towards some passive aggressive post-it notes. It's how women solve most of their problems.

Watercooler Adventures

Yesterday was a triumphant day for women everywhere. I changed the watercooler all by myself. It all started when I came in and made myself a cup of tea. I used almost all of the water. I thought this was very clever and that my boss would notice it was almost empty and change the tank. Unfortunately, this did not happen. Apparently my boss is a camel and drinks nothing all day. I, on the other hand, try to drink as much water throughout the day as humanly possible. I waited until lunchtime when I was nearly dehydrated. My boss left to go to lunch, and I decided to take a stand for feminism. My thinking was that if I spilled water all over myself and the office that it would have time to dry before he returned from lunch. I'm proud to report that I hardly spilled any, although changing it was super awkward, mainly because our cooler is up a little too high for someone who has recently quit working out.

In case you would like to properly change a watercooler, you can check out this article. Note, this is not how I did it. My method included stabbing it with a pen. I'm a maverick.

At least I didn't end up like Tobias or Liz Lemon.