The tallest building in Omaha

The tallest building in Omaha also happens to be the tallest building I have ever thrown up in. What a lucky building, right? The First National Tower was built in 2002, the same year I graduated high school. I remember when it was being constructed because it was a big deal that this would be the new tallest building in Omaha. The building that previously had this claim to fame was the Woodmen Tower. I had fond memories of the Woodmen Tower, even though to this day I have still never been inside. There used to be a restaurant on the top floor. My aunt would tell me that she would take me one day, but alas, we never made it and it closed.

The Woodmen Tower in all its glory!

The Woodmen Tower being upstaged by the super powerful First National building.

The First National building is home to a vertical race called Trek up the Tower. This is an annual event sponsored by the Wellness Council of the Midlands. The idea is to "run" up the tower as fast as you possibly can. That's a total of 40 floors, or 870 steps, or a total of 633 feet in the sky. For reasons that are too complex to explain in a single blog, I was roped into participating in this race.

The event itself was pretty impressive. It is very well-run and organized. However, the atmosphere really wasn't my thing. First, there are hundreds of people EVERYWHERE. I don't do well in crowds, especially those milling around the lobby of a building bumping into each other wearing too much spandex and trying to one-up each other with who is wearing the most impressive "athletic event souvenir t-shirt". After waiting almost two hours after checking in, I finally made it to the front of the line for my race. I should give a little more background information at this point by mentioning that I hadn't done the greatest job with my pre-race training (for reasons that I partially had no control over). Second, I was having a definite cold-allergy type goo issue that morning that I attempted to alleviate with a multivitamin and an allergy pill. As I started up the stairs, I now realize one of my critical errors. My strategy was to start out as fast as possible, thinking I could trudge the rest of the way and have a decent time. I started out taking stairs two at a time and passing people. However, around floor six, my legs and lungs started to burn a little bit. The first water station was around floor eight. I drank some water and sat down for a couple of seconds (also a mistake in retrospect). The rest of the race was brutal. Each floor got worse, and it didn't help that people who were assigned to floors to be cheerleaders would say things like "Careful, the air gets thinner from here on out". WTF? Who says that to someone attempting to run up 40 flights of stairs?

By the time I got to 35, I was pretty sure I was going to die. However, I made it, staggering, gasping, and clutching the handrail like a frail 90 year old woman. The top floor is the executive suite, where the CEO and other important people have offices. I was greeted by a crown of cheering people and given my medal and commemorative towel. I was then corralled into a circle to walk a victory lap, that is, catch my breath and check out the view from the top floor. After cooling down, we were escorted to the elevators to ride back down to the lobby. This is when I felt like I was going to lose my breakfast. I asked if there was a bathroom I could use, and was told I would have to go down to the first floor. I managed to sweet talk my way back to the executive washroom.

When I entered, I was slightly taken aback. This was like no public bathroom I had ever experienced (I wish I had a camera to capture the moment, but it surely would have slowed me down). There were about four stalls made out of what looked like some heavy duty mahogany with gold hardware on the doors. Also, there were no paper towel dispensers or hand dryers, but real towels that were embroidered. I went into the first stall and immediate threw up the contents of my stomach (including my half digested multivitamins). I was incredibly thankful that no one was around to witness my public display of vomiting. I cleaned up what little mess I made, and tried to make myself look presentable. I took one last look around before heading back out to take the elevator back down to where the little people were with their paper hand towels and scratchy toilet paper.

Back in the lobby, I made sure to tell my friends about my high end puking. I'm sure they were secretly jealous, but they just looked at me like I was nuts and asked "Seriously?". At the end of my day, my time was 15 minutes and 34 seconds (the record is something like 4 and a half minutes, crazy!), I had gotten my free shirt in addition to my other tower swag, and best of all, a damn funny story to tell. So would I do it again? Eh, probably not. I'm glad I can say I've done it once, but I just don't get my jollies from these kind of competitive activities. Also, how would I ever be able to top puking in the executive bathroom?

Hey! I threw up at the top of that building!