Unemployed people worse off than me

I can't stop reading this series from Gawker. Although I can relate to a lot of the stories and feelings described, I feel incredibly lucky and grateful that I was able to find something else relatively quickly. Still, those residual depressive, anxious, and fearful feelings are still in there somewhere.

If you know someone who's in this situation, be sure to reach out and let them know you care.

And buy them a beer.

http://gawker.com/5927342/hello-from-the-underclass-unemployment-stories-vol-one?tag=hello-from-the-underclass

Blog Love!

Thanks to the amazing Taleen Brady for plugging my blog on her blog. The truth is, hers is way cooler than mine and she was the inspiration for me starting my blog. It will change your life.

I quit numbering my days on the job, because they are starting to blur together a bit. I get paid next week, which I am pretty jazzed about. I'm already plotting on how to spend my newly earned money after my triumphant return to the same budget I used while I graduate school (hint: it will involve pink lady apples and Banana Republic).

This week is going much more smoothly. I'm finally figuring things out and becoming more efficient at getting things done, and maybe even impressing the boss a little bit. I'm also forcing him to talk to me more, thus causing him to like me and be nicer. So far it's working. I sometimes think I would like to teach a class on social skills that everyone in America would be required to take. I could design the curriculum and market it to the masses at a huge profit. I've been doing some preliminary research on this by testing my own social skills.

Being unemployed is lonely business. Most of the time I would spend at home alone with my cat (who you know was very judgmental at the time), or out being treated to lunch or drinks my unemployment sympathizers. Now that I am around people again, I'm trying to embrace it. I've already become besties with Melody, the parking garage attendant. Our discussions right now are primarily weather-based, but I'm excited to see where our relationship goes. Maybe she will go to lunch with me? I've also been trying to talk to people in elevators, which has been fairly successful so far. Finally, I try to say hi to everyone I pass in the hallway. I never knew that people did this in workplaces, because in graduate school, people were chronically awkward and unfriendly. It's nice to have human interaction again!

Speaking of lunch, I have still yet to experience lunchtime awesomeness, mainly because I've been working through lunch due to some project deadlines. Maybe next week the lunch revolution will start? Maybe I will ask Melody to join me...

Cheers to the freakin' weekend

Not much to report, just wanted to make sure to post something to hold myself accountable. Good times were had all weekend, with just the right amount of socially awkward situations mixed in that help make life more interesting. I'm hoping to gain many more followers after the events of Friday (hint hint people).

Today I had a concert for wind symphony. I think sometimes I take it for granted, but I feel incredibly lucky to have music in my life. It is truly one of the few things I can always count on to cheer me up and boost my spirits. Besides making music, I've also been listening to music non-stop lately (it helps block out the sound of my brain talking). When you really stop to think about it, music is basically one of the most amazing and magical things that exists in our world.

One of the coolest things about live music, in particular, instrumental live music, is overtones. I wasn't a music major or engineer, so this is a pretty lame explanation of how overtones work. Brace yourself for some nerdiness.

When you build a chord, you have different pitches operating at different wavelengths. What makes a chord sound nice or unpleasant depends on how the different frequencies line up. Sometimes when everything lines up just right, you get this super cool effect of hearing other notes that aren't physically being played. So if you play a triad (three notes) that are perfectly in tune, you'll be able to hear the whole range of harmonics, and it sounds magical. 

Anyways, that's enough nerdiness. If you want to more know, you can definitely google it to learn about the technical side. But you really have to experience it live. Trust me on this one.

Day Three...Frustration and Triumph...

How long can I maintain blogging? I feel like numbering the days helps keep me accountable. Today was incredibly frustrating. First, the type of work I am doing is brand new. Second, my new boss is super socially awkward and has basically given me no instruction or training of any kind. Third, the project I am working on is way behind schedule, so tensions are a little high. I thought I might lose it and walk out today after trying to read this guy's mind, doing something, and then being told I did it wrong. Part of my task involves entering data into an incredibly complicated Excel spreadsheet, which I found several errors on. The final straw is that I was given a Dell laptop circa 1989 that is running what I can only assume is Windows 97. It's really slow and horribly inefficient.

Now for the good news. After almost freaking out, I did manage to figure out a lot of stuff today. I feel like I have some sense of what I am doing now, and will hopefully get a lot done tomorrow. My goal is to wow this guy, even though he seems to be hard to impress. Let's be honest, if there's one thing I can do, it is deal with difficult people and still rock the shit out of whatever I do.

Boom.

(that was a truth bomb, in case you are unfamiliar)


PS. I left after 5 today and took the "long way' home. Meaning no interstate. Took the same damn amount of time. Ugh.

Day Two Awkwardness...

I think I jinxed myself with all of my glorious talk about lunch. Through a series of bizarre events, I did not even eat lunch today. No, I'm not anorexic, or trying to maintain my depression-fueled Unemployment Diet. Here's how it went down.

Today it was only me and my new boss in the office. I had assumed that he would take me to lunch, due to the information I received yesterday about him going out for lunch everyday, and the fact that I am delightful and everyone wants to have lunch with me. However, as a backup, I took a cereal bar and a Soup at Hand with me, just in case.

My boss left for lunch and did not invite me. It was awkward. Maybe he was meeting someone else for lunch? Maybe he is manorexic, and actually doesn't eat lunch? Maybe he thought I would be weirded out by a lunch invitation? Maybe he was worried about sexually harassing me? I did have on a rather fetching cardigan today. After he left the office, I pondered these various explanations and then decided I would just eat my soup that I brought. At that point, I realized we do not have a microwave, or any other mechanism for heating soup. We have a refrigerator, a Keurig machine, and a fancy water cooler (hot and cold water!), but I definitely imagined a microwave that does not exist on this plane of reality. I briefly considered having cold soup (it was creamy tomato) or thinking of some way to use the hot water from the water cooler to heat it. Neither option seemed appealing.

Next, I considered leaving and going somewhere for lunch by myself. I decided against this because. 1. It sounded depressing. 2. I was worried about potentially running into my boss at a nearby lunch establishment and dealing with more awkwardness. 3. It looked kind of dreary out and I wasn't thrilled about leaving the building to wander around in search of food.

Finally, after all of this obsession, I realized that I actually wasn't even hungry. I went in at 10am, meaning I had a later breakfast and wasn't even hungry at noon. It was all in my head! So I powered through the stuff I was working on and ate my cereal bar later in the afternoon. When my boss came back from "lunch" he didn't even acknowledge that I didn't appear to have eaten lunch. Maybe he thinks I have an eating disorder?

The moral of the story is to bring a backup lunch that does not require heating. Or to make lunch plans with someone in advance.

Today also ended with a minor emotional breakdown in my car driving home. Mainly because I cannot figure out how to efficiently get home from downtown during rush hour traffic. That might need to be its own entry though.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go eat all of my calories for the day for dinner.

Day One!

Today I started my new gig! I think things went pretty smoothly, considering I was rolling on three hours of sleep and puking the night before. I was able to get up sufficiently early to drive downtown and figure out how to get into the parking garage I needed. Then, I went to the wrong building. There are actually two larger "towers" downtown labeled north and south, and I accidentally went to the north one instead. Luckily, I got there plenty early to bond with the dude at the information desk. I'm working with a friend from school and she gave me a tour, including the skywalk, which is the easier way to get to the garage, and to ensure that I reach the correct tower. Our office is pretty cool. It looks like a "real" office. Especially compared to what I was in before. Some of the highlights include: really nice chairs, windows that overlook downtown Omaha, a watercooler (just like in the movies!), and what appears to be an unlimited supply of Bakers chocolates. I'm also excited about all of the places to eat lunch downtown. From what I hear, the other people in the office are very "pro lunch". I might just gain back my ten pounds that I have lost while unemployed. First, there are a billion restaurants nearby. Second, the First National bulding (the one I puked in one time) rotates catering from different restaurants every day. Third, Union Pacific is right across the street, and the rumor is that they have a kick ass cafeteria that is open to the public. Finally, there is the Brandeis building that has tons of secret restaurants in the basement that only downtown people know about. Apparently there is a really good Greek place that even serves breakfast. Greek breakfast! Can you imagine?

So naturally eating food is what I'm most excited about at this point. The work itself is likely going to be a little on the tedious side, but I'm excited about learning something new. Tomorrow is just me and the boss. He told me not to come in until 10 (he is also pro sleeping in).

That's all I got for now, blog world. I'll keep you posted on any exciting developments, like what I eat for lunch tomorrow, and how long it takes me to drive home in rush hour traffic. Stay tuned!

The tooth about unemployment...

Warning, this entry might be disturbing.

I had a super creepy and vivid dream last night that involved my teeth falling out. It started with one loose tooth on the bottom, near the back of my mouth. I thought it was unusual, but for some reason thought there might be another tooth underneath it that was trying to grow in. I tried to avoid touching it, but eventually decided to pull it out. Terrible idea. The rest of my nearby teeth seemed to be all attached, and easily removable. It was super horrifying. I'm probably not explaining it that great, but it was a dream and is a bit fuzzy. Also, if I did a good job of explaining, it would probably scar you for life.

This dream is noteworthy for a couple of reasons. First, I've been having terrible insomnia, as previously noted. So it is lousy that my first night of decent sleep was ruined by such a traumatic dream. The second noteworthy aspect is that I seldom remember my dreams. I just don't. Or, I'm the kind of person who will think during my dream "hey, I should remember this so I can tell people about it when I wake up" and then I never do. The third reason, is that the teeth falling out dream has been a recurring one that has haunted me for years.

I think it may have started my senior year of high school. I was one of those kids who was anxious about college and basically everything else in my life. I think it reoccurred my senior year of college when I was trying to decide what to do for grad school, and likely again around the time I had my wisdom teeth out, when there was a legitimate fear of my teeth falling out. I'm sure there have been other instances, but those are the ones that stand out in my mind. There are sometimes variations of the dream. Like one time it was my teeth disintegrating in my mouth while I was trying to chew food. Otherwise, its the bloody, gross variety like the one from last night. Either way, it is creeptastic enough to stick out in my mind.

So what does my teeth falling out dream mean in my unemployed state? I dig some digging, and found a couple of interpretations. Teeth are considered a symbol of power (e.g. used to bite, chew, and rip things on a kind of neanderthal level). Losing your teeth can mean that you are feeling powerless. Other interpretations include, feeling self-conscious about your appearance, fear of getting old, and fear of rejection. These dreams can also result from feelings of inferiority and lack of self-confidence or feelings of control over some aspect of your life? Finally, the myth of the Tooth Fairy appears to have a loose association with these types of dreams, so it is possible that I will be coming into a large sum of money soon. Let's go with that one.


This will haunt your dreams...