The elevator at my job is creepy

Have you ever read the Amityville Horror? It is one of only a handful of books that gives me the creeps (alongside the Exorcist, The Shining, and The Haunting of Hill House). I'm not generally a fan of horror movies, I think most of them are rather silly and unrealistic. Books on the other hand, are much more likely to creep me out, mainly because my imagination is left to do most of the work (you don't even what to know what goes on in my head). I read the Amityville Horror for the first time just a few years ago. I think I picked it up at the Goodwill for a quarter. Then, like all books I buy, it probably sat on my shelf for a good year before I actually read it. I'm not sure why I even bought it, but when I read it, I practically read the whole thing in one night.

Here is the copy of the book I own. Mine is much more tattered looking. For more information, check out the official Amityville Horror website (http://www.amityvillehorror.com/)

For those of you unfamiliar with it, the book is supposedly based on a true story of a couple that buys a house that is infested with literally every single bad supernatural thing you can have living under one roof. Ancient Indian burial grounds, ghosts, poltergeists, demons, this book has it all. I won't spoil it for you, but there is a part in the book where the couple living in the house stumble upon a hidden room in the basement that is painted entirely red. Although nothing much happens in the red room, it is generally creepy, the family dog refuses to go near it, and it may or may not be a portal to hell (spoiler alert!). So what does any of this have to do with the elevator at work?

 Fact. It is nearly impossible to find an "official" picture of the infamous red room. This one appears to be legit (http://www.amityvillemurders.com/facts.html).

The elevator at work is entirely red. The walls and carpet, and there are also mirrors on the doors that reflect the red back at you. It's not a super bright red, but isn't quite a burgundy or purple either. At any rate, I find it creepy and I think of the Amityville Horror every time I get in it. One time, I commented to a fellow elevator rider how creepy the all red elevator was, and this lady was definitely disturbed after I brought it to her attention.

 Red elevator at my job. Is that an orb?!

Recently, the elevator has risen to new heights of creepiness. There are several large stains on the carpeting around the entrance to the elevator, which I am assuming are from large quantities of blood flowing out of the elevator a la "The Shining" (or it may be water from the ceiling leaking).

 Here is a bad picture of the possible blood stain. Of course you can't see it very well because the carpet is also RED!

The final weird thing about the elevator is the fact that you HAVE to use it. If you enter the building on the first floor, there are stairs that go down to the basement, but not stairs going up. If you enter on the second floor, there are no visible stairs period. The only way to get to the stairs is to go down the the basement, walk halfway around the length of the building, and take the stairs intended for emergency use only. Fact. I have been working here for six months and finally found out yesterday where the actual stairs are. For whatever reason, we are encouraged to use the elevator which may or may not be a portal to hell.

The gates of hell as portrayed by Rodin. For information on other potential portals to hell, check out http://www.hauntedamericatours.com/occult/GatesofHell/.

I could just scream

I've been thinking a lot lately about what would happen if I just started screaming in the middle of the office at work. For no reason. Would they be alarmed and think I was injured? Would they think I had finally gone over the edge and lost my mind? Would they be concerned? Or fear for their lives?

I'm trying to remember the last time I screamed. Like a really good scream. Obvious candidates are concerts, but I think that is more cheering, or yelling to be heard by someone standing right next to you. Sporting events are likely a no. I usually find it painful to sit through an entire game of anything, let alone get so caught up in the action that I would raise my voice. Probably falls into the same category as concerts.

When I was in sixth grade, our class went to this outdoor education camp where we spent three days or so living in cabins. The purpose of the trip was part educational (we learned all kinds of nature related stuff in preparation) and part was meant to bond our class together as we prepared for junior high. Part of this effort was a trust course high in the air, where you were suspended with bungee cords and cables, and some other fun obstacles/games on the ground. The best part in my opinion was the zipline that went through the woods. Now, I'm generally a scaredy cat about most extreme things, but this zipline was amazingly fun. The teacher that was running it told us that there was a contest for whoever could scream the loudest on the zipline. I remember very distinctly screaming as loud as a could (if I wasn't brave, at least I was competitive). It was shrill and high pitched, probably like most sixth grade girls, but man, I had some stamina. As a result, I won the contest and was recognized at dinner that night.

That sticks out in my mind as the last really good scream I had. Years later, in high school I returned as an outdoor ed camp counselor. I rode on the zipline, but refrained from screaming (didn't want to scare the kids, right?). Maybe screaming is just more socially acceptable for kids. Maybe our vocal cords change as we get older and screaming because less fulfilling, and hurts our throats more. Maybe we hold back too much. At any rate, I could sure go for a good old fashioned scream right about now.

The tallest building in Omaha

The tallest building in Omaha also happens to be the tallest building I have ever thrown up in. What a lucky building, right? The First National Tower was built in 2002, the same year I graduated high school. I remember when it was being constructed because it was a big deal that this would be the new tallest building in Omaha. The building that previously had this claim to fame was the Woodmen Tower. I had fond memories of the Woodmen Tower, even though to this day I have still never been inside. There used to be a restaurant on the top floor. My aunt would tell me that she would take me one day, but alas, we never made it and it closed.

The Woodmen Tower in all its glory!

The Woodmen Tower being upstaged by the super powerful First National building.

The First National building is home to a vertical race called Trek up the Tower. This is an annual event sponsored by the Wellness Council of the Midlands. The idea is to "run" up the tower as fast as you possibly can. That's a total of 40 floors, or 870 steps, or a total of 633 feet in the sky. For reasons that are too complex to explain in a single blog, I was roped into participating in this race.

The event itself was pretty impressive. It is very well-run and organized. However, the atmosphere really wasn't my thing. First, there are hundreds of people EVERYWHERE. I don't do well in crowds, especially those milling around the lobby of a building bumping into each other wearing too much spandex and trying to one-up each other with who is wearing the most impressive "athletic event souvenir t-shirt". After waiting almost two hours after checking in, I finally made it to the front of the line for my race. I should give a little more background information at this point by mentioning that I hadn't done the greatest job with my pre-race training (for reasons that I partially had no control over). Second, I was having a definite cold-allergy type goo issue that morning that I attempted to alleviate with a multivitamin and an allergy pill. As I started up the stairs, I now realize one of my critical errors. My strategy was to start out as fast as possible, thinking I could trudge the rest of the way and have a decent time. I started out taking stairs two at a time and passing people. However, around floor six, my legs and lungs started to burn a little bit. The first water station was around floor eight. I drank some water and sat down for a couple of seconds (also a mistake in retrospect). The rest of the race was brutal. Each floor got worse, and it didn't help that people who were assigned to floors to be cheerleaders would say things like "Careful, the air gets thinner from here on out". WTF? Who says that to someone attempting to run up 40 flights of stairs?

By the time I got to 35, I was pretty sure I was going to die. However, I made it, staggering, gasping, and clutching the handrail like a frail 90 year old woman. The top floor is the executive suite, where the CEO and other important people have offices. I was greeted by a crown of cheering people and given my medal and commemorative towel. I was then corralled into a circle to walk a victory lap, that is, catch my breath and check out the view from the top floor. After cooling down, we were escorted to the elevators to ride back down to the lobby. This is when I felt like I was going to lose my breakfast. I asked if there was a bathroom I could use, and was told I would have to go down to the first floor. I managed to sweet talk my way back to the executive washroom.

When I entered, I was slightly taken aback. This was like no public bathroom I had ever experienced (I wish I had a camera to capture the moment, but it surely would have slowed me down). There were about four stalls made out of what looked like some heavy duty mahogany with gold hardware on the doors. Also, there were no paper towel dispensers or hand dryers, but real towels that were embroidered. I went into the first stall and immediate threw up the contents of my stomach (including my half digested multivitamins). I was incredibly thankful that no one was around to witness my public display of vomiting. I cleaned up what little mess I made, and tried to make myself look presentable. I took one last look around before heading back out to take the elevator back down to where the little people were with their paper hand towels and scratchy toilet paper.

Back in the lobby, I made sure to tell my friends about my high end puking. I'm sure they were secretly jealous, but they just looked at me like I was nuts and asked "Seriously?". At the end of my day, my time was 15 minutes and 34 seconds (the record is something like 4 and a half minutes, crazy!), I had gotten my free shirt in addition to my other tower swag, and best of all, a damn funny story to tell. So would I do it again? Eh, probably not. I'm glad I can say I've done it once, but I just don't get my jollies from these kind of competitive activities. Also, how would I ever be able to top puking in the executive bathroom?

Hey! I threw up at the top of that building!

Craving phantom ice cream

I love ice cream. More than anything else in the world. I won't bore you with my long personal history related to ice cream. Every so often, I get an intense craving for a specific ice cream that, sadly, doesn't exist anymore. In the late 1990's or maybe early 2000's, Edy's launched a new line of ice cream called "Edy's Dreamery". This was meant to be competition for Ben & Jerry's. That is, individual pints of super rich premium ice cream with catchy names and whimsical illustrations on the cartons. I remember the greatest flavor of this line, Grandma's Cookie Jar. It consisted of plain vanilla ice cream with three, count em, three different types of cookie dough, the old standby chocolate chip, a chocolate fudge cookie dough, and peanut butter cookie dough. I have fond memories of how amazing this ice cream was, and every once and a while, get a strong craving for it. This has inspired me to do a little bit of research on the topic. First, the Dreamery line was discontinued around 2006, although I remember the specific flavor being gone before then. Digging deeper, I began to wonder if I was misremembering the ice cream I loved so much. This was brought on by looking up the official website of Dreamery. Here, they describe my favorite flavor as Grandma's Cookie Dough, consisting of "creamy vanilla ice cream loaded with chunks of chocolate cookie dough". The picture on the carton depicts chocolate chip cookie dough, so I'm not sure where the "chocolate cookie dough" comes into play. In addition, the original flavor had THREE different types of cookie dough. WTF Edy's?

To prove that I wasn't crazy, I dug a little deeper with my internet research. Several message boards revealed people, not unlike myself, craving this delightful flavor years after its passing. In fact, this blog, reports that the Dreamery line is not dead, however, I have yet to see it in ANY stores (and believe me, I check the ice cream aisle every time). Another handy internet source, lists nutritional information for the flavor, confirming the three separate types of cookie dough present.

My theory? I believe the flavor Grandma's Cookie Jar originally existed in all its glory. I even managed to find some fuzzy photographic evidence.

Note the subtle differences in packaging. I believe this flavor was so amazing, that Edy's was probably the victim of lawsuits from people claiming to be addicted to the flavor, or complaints that people were becoming morbidly obese, as a result of indulging in such deliciousness. The flavor was probably modified to become "Grandma's Cookie Dough", a less delicious version of the original. The Dreamery line, may or may not still be in existence. All I know, is that if I ever find this ice cream again, I will buy cases of it, or hire a scientist to replicate it perfectly for me.

In the meantime, I've continued to search for a flavor that comes close. I thought I hit pay dirt a couple of months ago when I purchased Edy's Triple Cookie Fudge Sundae. Instead, I was terribly disappointed. With a flavor that includes "triple cookie" in the title, I expect three types or variations of cookie. Instead, one-third of the ice cream is vanilla with chocolate chip cookie dough, one-third is chocolate ice cream with fudge swirl, and the remaining third is vanilla ice cream with brownies. Not even close to triple cookies! Additionally, the ice cream is of the "lite' variety, with half the fat and one-third the calories of regular ice cream (see also: it tastes like disappointment).

The only other flavor that has come somewhat close is Ben & Jerry's Milk and Cookies. It has vanilla ice cream with an Oreo/cookies and cream type swirl with chocolate chip cookie dough AND chocolate-chocolate chip cookie dough. In addition, it has mini chocolate chips mixed in, in case you didn't get enough chocolate chips in your cookie dough. I'm not gonna lie, I do like this flavor quite a bit, but it still leaves me dreaming about Edy's. Also, Ben & Jerry's is famous for "retiring" flavors just when I am starting to become addicted. Thank guys.

For now, I suppose Ben & Jerry will have to suffice. My next plan is to either suggest the flavor to Ted & Wally's, hoping that they will recognize the potential (and name the flavor after me! Rebecca's cookie jar?), or to roll up my sleeves and make my own version of Grandma's Cookie Jar. However, this would involve me needing an ice cream maker, which would mean I would have to get married. I challenge you to find an unmarried person who owns their own ice cream maker. Perhaps I will venture out and buy one and be the first ever...

You know I used to have a blog...

You know I used to have a blog. Actually, I had a Xanga. Do you remember Xanga? Xanga was something that people used who weren't cool enough to have a Live Journal. Yes, Live Journal used to be a big flippin' deal. It was like Google+, you had to have an invitation to get one. Now, I believed both sites are probably on the same level of MySpace in terms of their progression towards becoming totally obsolete. Nevertheless, Xanga was pretty sweet to a young college student who had recently outgrown their Lisa Frank diary (important note: Lisa Frank was totally badass back in the day. It was also probably the closest I will ever get to doing acid. See picture at the bottom).

My Xanga was full of post-teen angst (a term I invented to describe teen angst that one experiences in their 20's). I recently went back to my old Xanga and downloaded everything into a word document. Reading it was quite a trip. I was pretty good about blogging regularly, even if they were stupid posts like what movie I saw that weekend and who I hung out with. However, it was the deeper stuff that really drew you in. I was concerned about things like whether or not I would pass organic chemistry, what I should major in, if i would get into grad school, and why people didn't show up for marching band sponsored bake sales (one time I skipped classes because no one else showed up to work the bake sale and I felt bad, maybe I would have passed organic chemistry if I had made better choices). It seems trivial now. Who needs organic chemistry? It's just a class. Of course you'll get into grad school, you're a smart kid. Who cares if people don't show up, it's just a bake sale. In seven years none of this will matter. Still, at the time, these were the big issues in my life (along with the occasional dramatic relationship post or the existential "why am I here?" post). I guess it is impressive how far I have come, but on the other hand, has anything really changed? I'm still in a perpetual state of being stressed out. Will I ever finish grad school? Will I find a job that I like? How does health insurance work, and do I really need it? Why am I here? Why don't people show up for committee meetings?

It's amazing to me how reading these things can transport you back to that time where you felt things so intensely. I suppose that is the reason for the present blog. Maybe seven years from now none of this will matter. Of course you finished grad school, you're a smart kid. Naturally you found a job that paid well and actually had benefits. You totally figured out what you are doing with your life and now have your shit together.

I may consider posting some "throwback blogs" (that's a cool name, right?). It can be an academic kind of experiment. Maybe college kids will be tasked with analyzing two of my blogs spaced seven or so years apart. They will have to analyze it and come up with themes, and will generally hate the assignment. Then, I will go look for my junior high diary. Yes, I kept it. That will surely have some legit teen angst in it.



Blogs that are better than mine

I've decided that a cute addition would be for me to feature blogs that I think are superior to mine or ones that I enjoy checking out. Also, it is a cheap way for me to post something without having to write much. The first blog to be featured in this series is my friend Taleen's. Taleen was the inspiration for this blog, and I told her repeatedly that her life was too funny not to blog about. Her blog includes humorous stories about her experience as a substitute teacher, living in Sioux City, and I am even mentioned a couple of times (what's not to love).
Check it out!
Livin' the Dream

Rebirth of a Blog?

I went to create a blog and realized that I already had one that I created last year and promptly forgot about. How silly of me. I suppose this means that I will be trying to do a better job of blogging (I hate that word). I feel like I often have mini-blogs going on in my head throughout the day and feel the narcissistic need to tell everyone about them. You all care a great deal about what I am thinking at all times, right? This blog is in part inspired by my dear friend and avid blogger Taleen, who maintains a first-class blog that I will aspire to be like.

At any rate, here is what I will hopefully be blogging about:
1. As my first and only post indicated, I have now completed my last year of classes in graduate school. I have few reasons to go up to the UNO campus, will not be purchasing a parking permit ever again, and cleaned out 5 years worth of crap out of my cubicle. This blog will serve to document my withdrawal and to answer the great question, "Is there life after graduate school?"
2. Since leaving UNO, I have accepted a "real world" job. I am working on research for a local organization. I am learning a lot of new things, especially about working with people more than twice my age. This blog will serve as an outlet for humorous stories and pent up rage.
3. Weird random things that happen to me. Come on, that cicada story was gold. I re-read it and was instantly transported back to that fateful day.

I should point out that I am at work while I am writing this. Who says you can't get paid to blog?
Hold on to your hats kiddos.