Life Update Two Years Later!

Is blogging every two years considered a thing? I think I can turn it into one.

So it's been a really long time. A really really long time. I'm sorry to anyone who might actually read this. At work the other day, my co-workers suggested that I write a blog on behalf of our organization and I was trying to explain that I used to blog. When asked what about, I was a little stumped trying to remember. Grad school? Unemployment? Cats? Ice cream? Turns out, it was all of the above. At any rate, I've always found writing cathartic on some level, so shout out to the universe with this long overdue life update. Warning, humble brags ahead...

I am no longer a PhD candidate. I'm a mother effing full-fledged doctor of philosophy. I finished after a total of eight long painstaking years of graduate school. Plus four years of undergrad and whatever else led me up to that point. It was a long haul for sure! After my dissertation defense, when my advisor congratulated me on passing, I literally burst into tears of joy. So much for not crying in front of her during all of that time. Graduation was amazing and I had the BEST party of all time to celebrate, followed by a sweet trip to Italy with some amazing girlfriends.

I also no longer work at that terrible soul sucking job with a psychotic boss. I have a job that I like on most days with co-workers that I love. We have a lot of fun and eat a lot of snacks. Very important things to look for in a prospective job.

I also moved into a sweet new adult apartment. That sounds dirty. But what I meant was a much nicer apartment complex that only working adults can afford, as opposed to broke grad students.

Being done with school means time for fun hobbies, traveling, a steady income, and more time with family, friends, and my kitty cat. Yes, she's still around. Also, a certain gentleman in my life who is proving to be the most fun person to hang out and have adventures with. This adulting thing isn't as terrible as I thought it would be.

See you in another two years?

Life Update!

Don't worry, I'm still here. I miss blogging. I'm sure you miss reading my blog. I've been having lots of fun adventures and keep making notes to myself to come back and write about it. So what have I been doing with my time?

Here is what my Tuesday/Thursday schedule is like:

8:30-9:00ish - arrive at work

work all day, typically staring an excel spreadsheets, entering data, and sometimes doing some calculations if I am lucky. I only get up to use the bathroom or to get my lunch that I eat at my desk. This is a typical day. I've been doing a better job of getting out for lunch, but it is pricey in terms of both money, calories, and time. 

3:45-4:00ish - leave work and drive directly to school, sometimes eating a granola bar in my car

4:00-5:00 - sit in the computer lab at school frantically reviewing my notes trying to remember how to teach statistics.

5:00-7:30ish - blather on about statistics to incredibly bored undergraduates in the hottest classroom you can imagine. Only stop for water breaks.

7:30-8:00ish - drive home, become depressed at the idea of having to cook dinner and stop at some kind of drive-thru. Likely one that has rootbeer floats.

8:00ish - "unwind", eat my sad dinner while playing candy crush saga

8:30ish - write a disseratation and consume a rootbeer float

1:00am ish - go to bed

3:00am ish - fall asleep

Doesn't this sound awful? It's pretty intense. Luckily, it is making me productive as shit. Teaching is going well, and my writing is perhaps at its peak. My advisor has taken to writing compliments on my drafts. That never happens. Ever.

Monday and Wednesday are meant to be my easy days. Instead of teaching, I go home and grade either quizzes or homework assignments and enter grades. Then, I write my dissertation. 

I had every intention of taking Fridays off as mental health days, and unfortunately, I've been going in to work to get caught up on projects. And the weekends? Honestly, it's a blur. Usually laundry, cleaning my apartment, and letting my family know that I'm still alive.

I've been doing a variation of this schedule for about three weeks now, and I'm worried my mental and physical health are going to crumble. The good news is that I only have two more weeks of teaching and then things will calm down. 

I hate for this to sound overly negative and complainy, so I will end with the positives. 

I'm feeling incredibly lucky to be where I am compared to six months ago. It's amazing what you can do when you let go of negativity. Sure, getting laid off sucked, my new job isn't great. My boss is possibly a clinical psychopath. But you know what? I'm making good money, I have flexibility in my scheduling, and for whatever reason, the psychopath seems to like me on some days. I'm finally making real progress towards graduating, after a year of working on my dissertation and not really getting anything done (what was I doing?!). I'm planning on graduating in December and throwing the most epic party of all time. 

I've managed to maintain my unemployment weight. I've been cooking and finding time to exercise and feeling great. The best part is, I'm having more fun that I have had in a really long time. I've reconnected with old friends and have made some terrific new ones. I've spent a lot more time with my family and realized they are seriously the coolest people I know. I'm planning an epic vacation for my 30th birthday that I'm crazy excited about. I just need to find time to blog about all this awesomeness.

I'll leave you with my new life motto:

"Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” -Marilyn Monroe.

PowerPoint Fun!

Imagine this scenario...

You are collaborating on some PowerPoint slides with a colleague. You have just e-mailed the most recent version and they have some feedback for you. Which of the following is the most appropriate and efficient way to do this?

a.) Your colleague makes the changes to the slides, re-saves the file and sends it back to you for one last review.

b.) Your colleague e-mails you back with a couple of specific changes and asks you to make the changes and re-send.

c.) Your colleague prints out the entire slide presentation and then sits across from you in your office, silently writing out changes, fucks the entire order up, hands you the stack of 30 pieces of paper filled with chicken scratch and has you make the changes.

What. The. Fuck. Just. Happened?

PS. The good news is that I after I made all of the changes and e-mailed it back to him, he tried to tell me I did it wrong. Luckily I had an effing hard paper copy with his writing on it. Incriminating!

This is a first...

Yes, I am blogging while currently at work. Normally I am much more respectful of my organization and their time. Not today. I smell a revolution coming.

My main purpose for this entry is that I am bored. Completely, utterly, fucking bored. I've spent a considerable amount of time jacking around on the internet, but even I have my limits on how much Buzzfeed I can read, or how many cat pictures I can look at. I'm also working on my dissertation, hence why I decided to take a break to blog instead. Did I mention it is only 1:30pm? Yikes.

Here is what is going on. I am supposed to be co-presenting a webinar with my wonderful boss. This means that I have been tasked with making powerpoint slides. I made some pretty beautiful slides, all with no direction or input from him. I e-mailed them to him on Monday and he has since spent his time un-doing all of my good work by inserting his own slides with weird grammar, randomly capitalized words, terrible headings, and made up research. Yes, completely made up. Actually, he said he thought he remembered one of the stats as being something he read in grad school and wanted me to find a source for it. Side note: he went to grad school in the fucking 90s. That source either does not exist, or has long been discredited in the past twenty or so years.

I'm also reasonably sure he doesn't really know how to use powerpoint, because he keeps coming into my office and telling me things to change, rather than changing them himself and saving the file. I just don't understand it. The slides are supposed to be due today and I sent him my "final" version first thing this morning. He and another co-worker have spent all day frantically prepping for some big presentation that he is doing out of town tomorrow. My prediction of how this is going to go down is that he will either ignore my e-mail, or respond at 4:00 after I have left for the day. Meanwhile, he will be out of the office tomorrow and Friday, leaving my co-worker and I with literally nothing to do to occupy our time because he has been so fixated on this other project. We plan on having a part of some sort. It may or may not involve sandwiches.

I'm torn because I want to leave early today since I am so bored. On the other hand, I get paid by the hour, so part of me feels like I need to stick it out. I'm currently accepting any forms of internet distraction that my loyal readers may be able to provide...

Pyramid Scheme Part 2

Well when I'm right, I'm right. I did indeed get invited for coffee to discuss a pyramid scheme. At least it was for Amway, one of the most famous pyramid schemes of our time. Interestingly, some people view Amway as a cult and they do use various cult-techniques in their recruitment. Luckily I am a strong soul. Or I don't have a soul. Either way I have no interest in joining the Amway cult.

In more exciting news. It is springtime in Omaha. This means not only is it gorgeous outside, but there is rumor of a taco truck somewhere outside my office building. Have no fear, I will be conducting a thorough investigation. Fingers crossed that it will be totally sketch and delicious and not some hipster bullshit.

Pyramid Schemes and Other Dreams

Here's some life advice for all of you out there, if someone ever asks you if you are looking to make some extra money, you should probably always say NO. Here is how I came to this conclusion.

Someone from my former job recently sent me a message through LinkedIn (where all evil stems from) asking how I was doing and if I had found a job. First off, this is like four months after I got laid off. Of course I found another job. I'm fucking awesome and have a master's degree. She said asked whether I was looking for some project work to make some extra money. I wrote back telling her that I did indeed have a job, and asked if she could provide more details about this "project work". I figured if it was something straightforward like doing data entry or analysis, I could certainly do that in my spare time, giving me more experience and building some connections as an external consultant. Rather than responding to my questions like a normal human being, she gave my phone number to her daughter, whom I have been playing phone tag with for three weeks now. She only leaves cryptic messages about wanting to talk to me about an "opportunity". I finally got to talk to this person today and we are getting together tomorrow for coffee to talk about whatever the fuck this is. I still have no idea. How do I get myself into these situations? I assume it is either a pyramid scheme, or some kind of prostitution ring. Be sure to check back to find out how it all goes down.

In other news, work has been surprisingly more normal in recent days. My boss asked me about my dissertation progress, and I said I thought it was getting fairly close. He responded by saying that was bad news because he "didn't want to lose me". Is that not the most romantic thing a man can say to a woman? This was honestly the first glimmer I have ever seen that he has anything other than contempt and loathing for my obvious incompetence. It was kind of amazing. I agreed to co-facilitate a webinar with him, so that should be a nice blog-worthy nightmare soon enough. So far, my job involves finding research articles and making powerpoint slides, two things that are both in my wheelhouse. I'll be sure to let you all know where you can sign up for my webinar soon enough.

Sandwich Day!

This actually took place on March 13th, and for some reason I forgot to post it. Since then I have had several more delightful experiences with these sandwiches. Enjoy!


I had a life changing experience. Involving a sandwich. As part of my new research into downtown food places, I kept seeing Worker's Takeout being rated as one of the highest places downtown. Apparently, they had relocated from midtown to downtown, and according to their website, exist somewhere inside the First National Building (doesn't everything?). I asked my co-worker if she had ever been there. She said no, but had heard that it was really good. We asked another co-worker, who said the exact same thing, and had always wondered where it was. Abandoning our salads and yogurt cups, we decided to go investigate. After spending entirely too much time on the internet trying to figure out exactly where it was, we decided to walk over there and look for a Scooters, which apparently housed a secret sandwich shop. After walking through the Brandeis building, under the street, and into the First National building. We wandered around looking for a Scooters. We ended up the atrium of the building where some people were eating lunch, but still no sign of a Scooters. We finally broke down and asked the front desk security guy, who seemed reluctant to give up the location, but assured us that it was "really good'.

He directed us to yet ANOTHER TUNNEL in the building that would take us under the street to where the old First National building used to reside (they still have some offices there). This tunnel was awesome because it was pimped out with some neon lights that reminded me of the Chicago O'Hare airport. I didn't take a picture because there were too many people around. We finally emerged out the other side and found the Scooters. The menu was overwhelming because everything sounded amazing. We both ended up getting half sandwiches, which we cut in half again to swap flavors. I got a roast beef, bacon, and artichoke sandwich, while my co-worker got a Cuban. Both were the most amazing sandwiches of all time and only cost about 4 bucks. Needless to say, we will be back. Repeatedly. 

Lunch was definitely the highlight of the day. When I went to leave the parking garage for the day, my BFF Melody informed me that the credit card machine was broken and the garage was cash only that day. Of course, I had spent my last bucks on that amazing sandwich (no regrets), and who the hell carries cash anyways? Instead of being cool about it, Melody proceeded to exit her tiny kiosk and yelled at the line of five cars behind me to "back up, she has to go get cash!". I was completely mortified. After backing my car up into a nearby parking space, I got out, thinking I would go wander aimlessly across the street where Melody told me there was an ATM. Luckily, my co-worker/sandwich eating partner in crime, was in the line to get out and had witnessed my social shaming. She loaned me the cash, and I awkwardly re-entered the line of cars. I suspect Melody and I might be on thin ice for a while.