Elevator adventures

Perhaps you remember my previous rant about the creepiness of the elevator at my old job. Well, luckily my new job has an equally terrifying elevator situation.

One of the cool things about my job is that there is a parking garage with a sky-walk that attaches to my office building. Sky-walks might be one of the greatest inventions of our time. It allows you to get where you are going without dealing with the harsh elements of the outside world (although our sky-walk is about the same temperature as outside, at least there is no wind).

The parking garage is nice too because parking downtown is terrible. I'm sure parking downtown in any city is terrible, but Omaha just seems a bit more ridiculous. The garage takes away the stress of looking for street parking and having to walk (again, the elements!). This comes at a price, specifically eight dollars a day. Luckily, I get reimbursed for parking, otherwise that might be a deal breaker.

Ugh, why does it have to be glass so I can see everything?!

Do people really like gazing out of a clear elevator at the ground below them? I think it's creepy. That, coupled with the fact that the thing shakes like crazy, and makes an extremely unpleasant and terrifying whining noise when it is cold, makes me only too certain that I will die at the nonexistent hands of this elevator.

Look out, sky-walk! Imma coming for you!

The first couple times I rode it, I would hold my breath close my eyes (assuming I was alone). Now? I take the stairs. All the way from the eighth floor. No regrets.

Once I pass through the magical sky-walk, I still need to go up a floor to get to my office. There are six elevators, just like a damn Hilton hotel. They seem more mechanically sound than the garage elevator, but still have an odd hesitation when you reach your floor, before the doors open. Also, one of them has padded walls. No joke.

This elevator takes you to the psychiatric ward.

The weird thing is, I don't think I could tell you when I developed my irrational fear of elevators (maybe around the same time I started disliking birds?). Either way, I'm thankful for the cardio workout I've been getting by taking so many stairs.

The elevator at my job is creepy

Have you ever read the Amityville Horror? It is one of only a handful of books that gives me the creeps (alongside the Exorcist, The Shining, and The Haunting of Hill House). I'm not generally a fan of horror movies, I think most of them are rather silly and unrealistic. Books on the other hand, are much more likely to creep me out, mainly because my imagination is left to do most of the work (you don't even what to know what goes on in my head). I read the Amityville Horror for the first time just a few years ago. I think I picked it up at the Goodwill for a quarter. Then, like all books I buy, it probably sat on my shelf for a good year before I actually read it. I'm not sure why I even bought it, but when I read it, I practically read the whole thing in one night.

Here is the copy of the book I own. Mine is much more tattered looking. For more information, check out the official Amityville Horror website (http://www.amityvillehorror.com/)

For those of you unfamiliar with it, the book is supposedly based on a true story of a couple that buys a house that is infested with literally every single bad supernatural thing you can have living under one roof. Ancient Indian burial grounds, ghosts, poltergeists, demons, this book has it all. I won't spoil it for you, but there is a part in the book where the couple living in the house stumble upon a hidden room in the basement that is painted entirely red. Although nothing much happens in the red room, it is generally creepy, the family dog refuses to go near it, and it may or may not be a portal to hell (spoiler alert!). So what does any of this have to do with the elevator at work?

 Fact. It is nearly impossible to find an "official" picture of the infamous red room. This one appears to be legit (http://www.amityvillemurders.com/facts.html).

The elevator at work is entirely red. The walls and carpet, and there are also mirrors on the doors that reflect the red back at you. It's not a super bright red, but isn't quite a burgundy or purple either. At any rate, I find it creepy and I think of the Amityville Horror every time I get in it. One time, I commented to a fellow elevator rider how creepy the all red elevator was, and this lady was definitely disturbed after I brought it to her attention.

 Red elevator at my job. Is that an orb?!

Recently, the elevator has risen to new heights of creepiness. There are several large stains on the carpeting around the entrance to the elevator, which I am assuming are from large quantities of blood flowing out of the elevator a la "The Shining" (or it may be water from the ceiling leaking).

 Here is a bad picture of the possible blood stain. Of course you can't see it very well because the carpet is also RED!

The final weird thing about the elevator is the fact that you HAVE to use it. If you enter the building on the first floor, there are stairs that go down to the basement, but not stairs going up. If you enter on the second floor, there are no visible stairs period. The only way to get to the stairs is to go down the the basement, walk halfway around the length of the building, and take the stairs intended for emergency use only. Fact. I have been working here for six months and finally found out yesterday where the actual stairs are. For whatever reason, we are encouraged to use the elevator which may or may not be a portal to hell.

The gates of hell as portrayed by Rodin. For information on other potential portals to hell, check out http://www.hauntedamericatours.com/occult/GatesofHell/.