This is the kind of research I wish I did...

Really missed the boat on this opportunity.

Don't worry, I haven't forgotten about you

I definitely fell of the blogwagon for a while there. Things have been busy at work, so my free time that I would spend blogging has been non-existent. I have plans to rectify this situation, including an very delayed blog about the time I went to a haunted house, some mysterious happenings centered around a certain PBS show, and my thoughts on Christmas music. Exciting stuff, right? Stay tuned...

Scooped Again!

I feel like I have always been ahead of the curve in terms of innovations. For example, when I was in high school I actually invented Code Red Mt. Dew by mixing cherry Mr. Misty flavoring into my Mt. Dew while working long shifts in the drive thru. Several months later, Mt. Dew release their Code Red flavor that was a huge hit (mine was better).

 (I invented that.)

It looks like I have been scooped again. I wore my Doc Martens proudly the other day and was getting ready to blog about how edgy I was and guess what happened?

(Those are my feet! Trendy!)

I barely got to revel in my super-trendiness when I happened across a music video for the most annoying song in the world - Superbass by Nikki Minaj. Sure enough, she is rocking the Docs with all of her skanky backup dancers. And she has pink ones! Damn her and her coolness!

Be honest, I look cooler, right? Maybe if I got some cutoffs and a white tank top I could make it work?

Why are the birds angry?

I recently purchased a new Android phone and I am worried that I am becoming one of "those people". The good news is that it isn't an iPhone, so at least I won't be one of "those other people". Fun fact, people who have iPhones are the most annoying out of all people who own cellphones (including old people and tweens). This was a welcome upgrade from my Blackberry Tour, which was a pretty badass phone two years ago when it first came out. I do miss certain features on my Blackberry, such as the useful autocorrect, my little trackball, and brickbreaker, the best game to come with a phone, or so I thought...

 Here is a picture of Barack Obama playing brickbreaker. All the cool kids do it. Also, according to this article, I am way better than him at brickbreaker.

One of my first official acts on my new Droid was to download Angry Birds so I could understand what all those jokes and references from last year were all about. I've had this phone about three weeks and it is pretty safe to say I might have an Angry Birds addiction. Maybe I just have an addictive personality? I definintely had a brickbreaker problem, and that game wasn't half as cool.

One thing that puzzles me is the lack of a back story to Angry Birds. Namely, why the eff are these birds so angry? And what is the deal with the pigs? The only explanation that the game infers is that the pigs stole the birds' eggs. Other than some ambiguous graphics, I see little evidence to support these accusations, and there is a whole separate host of questions that go a long with this theory (why did the pigs steal the eggs, how did they do it without opposable thumbs, etc.). A quick Google search, suggests that the birds are angry because they are constantly hurled into walls, or because they lack feet. Whatever the reason, I find it troubling that it can be so easy to become addicted to something that has had so little thought put in to the backstory. Why, back in my day, video game developers put thought into these matters. Although it is still a little unclear why Bowser kidnapped Princess Peach (probably to bone her, right?) and how he got all of the mushrooms and turtles to go along with his evil plan.

Wikipedia has perhaps the most official and least satisfying answer. It notes that while the app was being developed, there was a need for a villain and the swine-flu scare was in progress. Seriously, people? That is the lamest thing I have ever heard of in my life.

If the developers wanted a super villain, I should think humans would have been a logical choice. After all, we have done far more to supress the freedom of birds that most other species. People who know me well know that I have a deep irrational fear of birds. Although the majority of birds give me the creeps, the biggest culprits are pigeons and giant black crows. I know I am not alone in my fear of birds, although my friends give me a hard time about it and it has resulted in some awkward social situations (e.g. screaming on the streets of Chicago). Perhaps Angry Birds is a catharsis for me and my pent up rage towards birds of all kind. Maybe I am able to catapult birds into brick walls and layers of glass with great skill because I know it is something that I will never have the chance to do in real life.

See? Birds are evil and would eat each others brains given the chance.

And now to end on a lighter note...

 

Happily married people should probably skip this post...

But for the rest of us out there fighting the good fight, enjoy!

Noooooooo!

Clearly I need a new plan for immortality because drinking wine is apparently not going to cut it anymore.

Click here for the story!

Is nothing sacred?!

I may be accidentally stumbling on to a new direction for my blog. Every morning when I log in to my computer at work, the homepage is automatically set to MSN.com. So far I have found plenty of headlines that inspire me to write blogs. Maybe an MSN-a-day blog? I don't want to box myself in, but at any rate, here is my MSN outrage for today.

The headline for this story was "Parents want ice cream boycott". Naturally, this caught my attention because I love both ice cream and boycotting things, and yet those words should never be in the same sentence. Ever.

Of course, I immediately thought this had something to do with Michelle Obama's fight against childhood obesity. Would parents really attack ice cream in order to save their children from an early death?

Sadly, this was not the case. These parents are interested in boycotting only one type of ice cream. Specifically, Ben & Jerry's new flavor "Schweddy Balls". Perhaps you've read about this new quirky flavor. Although the idea of rum balls in ice cream sounds a little gross, I had certainly planned on giving the new flavor a whirl, for the sake of novelty alone (also, it contains malt balls, which I am a big fan of). Perhaps now I will buy an entire case of it and give it out at elementary school playgrounds. Aren't there more important things to be outraged about?

Click here to read the story and be outraged!