Productivity!

I finally had a breakthrough today. I finished a grant application, which is ready to mail, and also submitted a new draft of my dissertation. Hooray! I think I am more productive when I work on things at school, as much as I hated to leave my apartment today (it was about nine degrees outside all day). Also, the traffic leaving campus to drive home sucks. Otherwise, I can't complain too much about getting stuff done.

Since that is my positive news, I will mention the negative news. My insomnia is not going away. It might be getting worse. I tossed and turned until about 3am last night. Brutal. I briefly contemplated getting up and trying to do something or watch a movie. I also considered a drive to wait for the sun to rise, but again, it's damn cold out these days. Instead I continued to lay there staring at the ceiling. Hopefully it stops soon...

Snow Day!

Overnight we had about 4 inches of snow fall, resulting in a snow day for most of Omaha. Me? Not impressed. Everyday is a snow day for me. Although I'm happy for all of my teacher friends and their excited Facebook statuses about sleeping in, I can't help thinking how old it is getting. Sometimes we need a reason to get out of bed and put pants on. Also, kids being off school means that all of the horrible children in my apartment complex are home all day and are being extra annoying.

The good news is that I now will have a reason to get up and put real pants on. I found some work! I'll be doing some project/contract work with a local consulting firm doing some compensation analysis. It is something I have never done before, so I am excited to learn something new and hopefully add to my professional development. The project is only expected to last 2-3 weeks, but it is better than nothing, and the extra money will be nice.

Speaking of money, I started on my tax return and it looks like for the first time in many years I will be getting a decent refund. In 2011, when I did my taxes I had five different W2s, resulting in my owning the government a pretty penny. A lot of this was due to small jobs where I made very little money and thus paid very little taxes. I also had some independent contract work where they don't take taxes out. It was awesome at the time, but it really hurt when tax season came around. This past year, for the first time in a while, I only had one W2, hence the nice refund. I wonder how many I will have in 2013? So far I have four lined up, maybe I can break my previous record. I'll just have to keep in mind to mentally prepare for the harshness of the contract work.

That's all I have for now. I'll keep you all posted when I start my contact work next Monday. I will be working downtown, which should be a fun new adventure. Very Mary Tyler Moore. I might need to buy a beret to throw into the air.

In honor of Omaha's snow day, check out these fun pictures of cats enjoying snow.

Time is flying by...

I'm already becoming terrible at blogging. Part of the reason, is I worry I am running out of material. The other reason, is I can feel myself getting more depressed about my situation. I'm doing a decent job of fighting it off, but it definitely comes and goes. I was feeling really optimistic about some leads for project work, I've sent several e-mails to contacts, letting them know that I am available for ANYTHING. And I have yet to receive a single response. Must not panic yet, but we're almost up to a month here.

This weekend I did a lot of drinking. Probably not the healthiest, most constructive thing to do, but it felt good and I needed to get it out of my system. Unfortunately, that meant that the other part of the weekend involved laying on my couch hungover with my judgmental cat. We did take a nap together. It was adorable.

On Saturday, I took all of the change I could find in my apartment to the bank to cash in. Hello $27.71. The bank teller definitely thought I was crazy. I tried to make some jokes about it to lighten the mood, but she didn't seem to think I was funny. Her loss. The good news is I won't have to do that again anytime soon because I literally cashed in every single coin I could find. The bad news is, I no longer have a crazy supply of quarters for the DIY carwash.

To put a positive spin on things, I'm hoping this blog will be useful in forcing me to do constructive things with my time, rather than sitting around watching Netflix and eating frozen yogurt (it's healthier than ice cream). My second goal is to be able to look back on this time in my life one day, and hopefully marvel at how far I have come. Or laugh. Or use it as a basis to write my memoirs.

The good news is, I'm not alone...

Turns out lots of people are unemployed. And not just in the U.S.

Apparently there are 197 million jobless people around the world.

Next step? Let's organize and start a revolution. Or at least meet at the bar.


Sorry employed people who hate their jobs, you've already had your day in the sun. 

Things that rock about being unemployed...

I caught a little bit of depression yesterday while watching the inauguration coverage on TV yesterday. I found myself wonder how I would respond to the question "Are you better off than you were four years ago?" I'm still not sure what the answer is, but rather dwelling on negative things, I thought I would write about a more positive topic.

One thing that rocks about being unemployed is the incredible amount of support you receive from the people around you. I'm in awe over the number of people who have sent me messages of encouragement, job postings, taken me out to eat, listen to me vent, bought me drinks to drown my sorrows, it's just amazing. If you're reading this, odds are that you are one of these amazing people. Thank you.

In other news, it snowed last night and according to local news, people have once again forgotten how to drive cars. Instead, I am holed up in my apartment with a blanket, drinking coffee, and watching the 25th Anniversary Special of Les Mis. A girl could get used to this lifestyle...

In case you were wondering, my cat is in the other room. She hates musicals about French revolutions and resents me.

Check out these awesome Les Mis memes!

My cat hates that I am unemployed...

One of my favorite things about having a job was coming home and seeing how excited my cat was to see me after being away for eight long hours. She would come running to greet me at the door and purr like crazy.

This joy has been taken away from me.

In fact, my cat seems to be openly resentful about my new unemployed status.

Now that I am home almost all day, there is no opportunity for her to miss me. In addition, I seem to be encroaching on her space and daily routine. I haven't been sleeping in much, mainly because if I sleep past eight, she gets angry because I am not up feeding her. If I stay in bed, she will jump on me and try to bite me until I get up to feed her. I guess she is doing her part to keep me from falling into a deep depressive state and sleeping all day.

Whenever I am in my living room working at my computer, she either leaves the room to go sleep on my bed, or insists on getting all up in my business. For example, she has tried pushing my laptop off the table, eating my flashdrive while it is plugged in, and knocking over everything in my apartment. Does she want me to play with her? No. If I make any attempt, she loses interest and leaves the room. I can only assume she is communicating her displeasure with my being home all day and is essentially telling me to quit being a deadbeat and to go get a job.

Hopefully things get better soon, otherwise I will be looking for a therapist for us...
At least she hasn't written me a harsh letter, like this one.

IMMA EAT YOUR FLASHDRIVE!

How does unemployment affect your physical appearance?

So far unemployment has many of the same symptoms as taking comprehensive exams in graduate school. For those of you unfamiliar, comprehensive exams (for me, anyway) involved answering several essay questions over a span of about ten days. I don't remember much from that time, other than freaking out, being super stressed, crying a lot, not sleeping, and losing weight (see other unemployment posts).

Another unique link between the two, is that my unemployment status has brought on what I call "finals week face". Finals week face is when your skin breaks out like crazy in response to the insanity of finals week in your life. Previous research has shown mixed findings on the relationship between stress and acne, but more current research suggests a viable link. It's been a while since I have had to deal with finals, so I've been experiencing fewer skin issues. Unfortunately, finals week face is back with a vengeance.

In an attempt to not be overly negative, there are some positive effects unemployment has on your physical appearance. I've been having a string of good hair days. What's my secret? Not having any place to go. Letting my hair marinate in coconut oil for two hours while I watch the Today Show and update my resume. Taking extra long in the shower because I can shower at 1pm when no one else in my building is using hot water. So much freedom.

Something Profound I Heard the Other Day

When thinking about your career, ask yourself three questions.

1. What do I love?
2. What am I good at?
3. What does the world need?

Deep.

The Unemployment Diet

In addition to this delightful blog, I'm contemplating writing the next best selling diet book, "The Unemployment Diet". I've lost five pounds since receiving "the news" last Monday. Even better news, is that I foresee myself losing even more. Here is my four-point outline of how it works. I'm trusting all of you in blog-land to not scoop my book idea and publish it before I get the chance. Don't be like that. Don't kick an unemployed lady when she is down.

Phase 1: Allow the pure stress of losing your job to eat away at your insides.

I've always considered myself to be a stress eater. It's how I managed to gain about 30 pounds over the course of grad school. That and drinking alcohol excessively. However, I've decided that the relationship between stress and eating must be curvilinear (or at least a solid "s" curve). I think I experienced so much stress last week, that my desire to eat just shut down. In fact, I actually forgot to eat dinner one night and did not realize it until it was 11:30 at night and I was lying in bed trying not to have a panic attack about my future. I'm not saying this is a healthy way to lose five pounds, but if you have a little extra to spare in the first place, it certainly kick-starts things.

Phase 2: Assess your financial situation and realize you can't afford to eat out anymore.

I wouldn't say that I eat out a ton, but its about to become even less. I would often reward myself with an iced coffee and sausage McMuffin on a Friday morning after a long week. I would give into my Qdoba queso cravings when I didn't feel like cooking dinner (hey, it's hard living alone and cooking for one). Heck, I would even splurge on santa shakes when they in season at Goodrich. However, after carefully examining my spending habits, it looks like all this needs to stop. Sure, I may budget for the occasional treat, but I'm really going to try to go cold turkey. Saving money and calories!

Phase 3: No more sitting at a desk for eight hours a day.

Did you know that sitting all day can literally kill you? Research says it, so it must be true...In all seriousness, it was incredibly difficult for me to transition from working as a teaching assistant to sitting at a desk all day. True, I did a lot of sitting in grad school, but also plenty of walking across campus to different buildings, climbing stairs, and even the occasional late night bike ride, courtesy of the campus bike share program.

Phase 4: Use all of your unemployed time to go to the gym.

I hate going to the gym, mainly because I hate crowds of people. The only time I previously had to go to the gym was early in the morning (never happened) or after work when the place is packed. Now, I'm able to go any time of the day. Also, they have cable at the gym. Mainly Fox news, but if the place is empty, I get free reign over the controls.

Those are my basic starting points. I would also like to point out potential obstacles that could derail your unemployment diet...

Obstacle 1: People are going to buy you food and drinks.

One thing that is awesome about being unemployed, is that everyone who has your back wants to take you out. The offers for lunch, coffee, and drinks keep pouring in. Partially because I am delightful to hang out with, and because people want to hear my story. Either way, I'm not complaining. The key is moderation. Stop at two drinks, take half your meal home (less meals to cook!), and you'll be ok.

Obstacle 2: Don't eat your feelings.

As I mentioned before, extremely high levels of stress may cause you to lose your appetite. However, once things start to calm down, you might be tempted to drown your sorrows in ice cream and/or complex carbohydrates. It's ok to indulge on occasion, but do so with caution. Again, everything in moderation.

Obstacle 3: Healthy food is expensive.

A recent study suggests that people at a high risk for unemployment, may experience a 3-6% decrease in their consumption of fruits and vegetables, and an 8% decrease in eating salad. The authors suggest that mental health (see above) and income restrictions are both contributing factors. My N=1 case analysis, so far thinks they are spot-on. Fruits and vegetables are expensive! Why are my precious pink lady apples $3.99 per pound?! Is it Obama's fault? Oil barons? I don't know, but it needs to stop! You'll know I've hit rock bottom when you see me snacking on a Red Delicious apple. Gross.
I'm working on channeling my inner Cory Booker and trying to pay more attention to my purchases at the store. I'm also contemplating a part-time vegetarian life style. If it's eight bucks for a package of chicken breasts, I might as well stick to beans and canned veggies. I'd rather take that eight bucks and buy myself some quality apples.

Majestic!

My First Monday of Unemployment.

Peter Gibbons: Let me ask you something. When you come in on Monday and you're not feeling real well, does anyone ever say to you, "Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays?"
Lawrence: No. No, man. Shit, no, man. I believe you'd get your ass kicked sayin' something like that, man.



Everyone hates Mondays. Garfield the cat was really onto something (also, lasagna is delicious). Today was my first Monday of being unemployed, and I have to tell you, it wasn't that bad. I purposely did not sleep in too much (I fear that is a slippery slope). I got up at a reasonable hour and had breakfast and caught part of the Today Show. Unfortunately, KLG and Hoda were interrupted by the President's press conference. While listening to the horribly crafted questions being thrown out by reporters, I sent some e-mails to some people telling them about my situation while crossing my fingers they might have work for me (side note: it's nearly 4pm, no offers yet). I also combed through my online banking and worked on editing my current budget to resemble more closely what my life was like as a poor graduate student (not too difficult).

My next goal was to clean up my kitchen. Specifically, the sink full of dishes left over from my week-long depressive episode last week. I also gave the refrigerator a much needed cleaning out (why is there nothing but cheese and alcohol in there?). After realizing the depressive state of my food supply, I make a quick trip to the grocery store. Fun fact, there were nothing but old men shopping at the store. New mission in life is to scour No Frills in search of my future sugar daddy shopping for cereal at 2pm on a Monday.

Now I'm working on my literature review for my dissertation while catching up on Golden Globes snark. I feel like I've been more productive than I was most Mondays at my job. On deck for the rest of the week? Cleaning the bathroom and living room. Re-writing my method section. And checking to see if the rest of the old men are at the gym in the afternoon...

Things that suck about being unemployed...

This is the first installment of what I expect to be many. Don't be alarmed by any negativity, because I plan a companion series called "Things that f-ing rule about being unemployed". Enjoy!

1. Puffy eyes and chapped nose. Luckily these two have mostly faded, but I feel an obligation to warn other potentially soon to be unemployed people out there. As I previously mentioned, stage one of losing your job involves tears when you are an emotional basket case like me. Fortunately for me, after finding out that I was losing my job I was told not to come to work the following day. This was a relief because my eyes were so puffy from crying I was unable to put my contacts in. Luckily I had the whole day to work on fixing it. I find that alternating between hot and cold washcloths worked pretty well. Also, cold spoons work wonders. For even more remedies, check out these awesome hints. After the puffiness subsided, the chapped nose arrived. After blowing my nose so much, it was left quite red and the skin began flaking off in the most unattractive manner (nose dandruff!). The best remedy for my chapped nose turned out to be lots of moisturizer, especially at night.

2. Tummy issues. My stomach has been a giant stress-filled knot all week. I'm sure it is primarily stress. It is a feeling I recognize, as I get the same one on the first day of teaching a class, taking comprehensive exams in grad school, and going on dates. All of these are guaranteed to make my stomach churn. So far this particular episode has been a dull, prolonged pain. Hopefully it goes away soon. Otherwise...

3. Crippling fear of things that could potentially cost you money. My stomach hurts. Should I go to the doctor? What if there is something wrong with me? What if I need surgery? What if it is an ulcer? Appendicitis? What if I need to use my insurance with a deductible of $5,000. Where will I get $5,000? Can I have a fundraiser? Would people donate? Is my car making a weird noise? It idles funny. What if I need a new car? What if someone hits my car and doesn't have insurance? Could I win a new car somehow? Could I sue to pay for the damages? Could I afford to hire a lawyer to sue? UGH, so many questions!

4. General concern over maintaining finances. I've always been very fiscally responsible. I have very little debt, which makes me very fortunate. However, the idea of having to live even more frugally than I have been is a little daunting. Why would Banana Republic taunt me with e-mail coupons. Don't they know I lost my job?! Maybe I should go to Banana Republic to just buy one thing to tide me over. I have a giftcard from Christmas, maybe I should just spend that. What if there is a good deal I can't turn down? Why are pink lady apples so damn expensive? Should I buy a different kind of apple? How much money could I save by switching to granny smith?

5. Unstructured time. This is going to take some work. I fear that it is only a matter of time until I give up showering and putting on real clothes, sleep until noon, and spend the rest of the day watching Netflix, or worse, bad daytime public television. My other fear, is constantly going out and spending money I don't have either shopping or purchasing outrageously priced apples.

I think I will stop at my top five concerns at the moment. There will be more. In order to end on a positive note, here is a website explaining why pink ladies are the greatest apples ever. This will maybe be its own blog post in the future...
http://www.apple-pinklady.com/faq

Unemployment Goals

I had my official meeting today to discuss my leaving. Tomorrow is officially my last day at work. I'm moving further out of anger and towards some form of acceptance. I feel like a weight has been lifted. I'm ready to put all of this emotional turmoil and stress behind me to begin moving forward. In addition to finding a new job, I've been thinking a lot about what else I might do with all of my free time.

1. Watch a lot of Netflix. I've already started doing this as a pleasant distraction from thinking too much about my future and lack of plans. So many shows to watch.

2. Go to the gym. I hate going to the gym in the early morning or after work. The best time to go to the gym is late morning or middle of the afternoon. I know this from my grad school days when I had random slots of time open. Old people, unemployed people, and weirdos go to the gym in the middle of the day. I am excited to join their ranks.

3. Eat and drink a lot. Fun fact. When you're unemployed, people want to take you out to cheer you up. I love it. As if I needed a reason to hang out.

4. Get rid of stuff. Before the new year, I took a ton of stuff to the Goodwill and also recycled a million magazines. I'm addicted to the feeling and ready to take it to the next level.

5. Go shopping in the middle of the day. The only catch is not spending money that I don't have. I will have to ration out the giftcards I got for Christmas for my shopping fixes.


6. Spend quality time with my kitty cat. Or at least try to get along. She already seems annoyed at my daily presence. I am cramping her style.

7. Watch the Today Show. This was my favorite part of being in grad school. Sleeping in and watching some KLG and Hoda.

8. Play lots of Words with Friends and other games on my phone. I might have 15 games of Hanging with Friends going at the moment...

9. Write a dissertation. For real. I could graduate in May if I hustle.

10. Write a blog about being unemployed.You're Welcome.

Tomorrow I will be unemployed.

What better way to spend my new-found free time, than reviving my forgotten blog? So through a series of unforeseen events, I will be out of a job as of tomorrow. I won't go into details, or say anything slanderous on the off chance that someone actually does read this. In terms of life stressors, there is research that says that losing a job is right up there with death of a spouse, divorce, and jail time. I guess I have some street cred finally. I think that lady Elisabeth Kubler-Ross was onto something with her five stages of grief. I remember learning about this when I took AP psychology back in high school. It is a fascinating process. I think she came up with this theory in the 70s or so. Maybe I am an overachiever, but I think I've knocked the process down to four steps (I do have a masters degree, you know). Here is my new and improved model of grieving.

Stage 1: Messy outbursts of tears.
When I received the news, my eyes instantly teared up. I attribute most of this to complete shock and surprise. I usually tell people that I'm not a person who cries easily. This is part true, and part false. I usually do not cry at funerals and other death-related things, I pride myself on never having cried in my advisor's office (yet), I don't cry at happy things either. I don't get weepy over the sight of a beautiful baby, or a tacky wedding. I reserve my crying for ridiculous things, and usually when I am by myself. These triggers may include: episodes of ER, the scene in the Neverending Story where the horse dies, whenever my car breaks down, whenever I think too much about my future, and whenever I get overly stressed about something stupid. Interesting contrast, right? So it was a surprise to myself when I reacted with tears. To my credit, my eyes only watered, I did not sob. A girl has got to have some dignity. I saved my sobbing for the drive home and the rest of the afternoon I spent at home looking at job postings and trying to update my resume.

Stage 2: Anger
Kubler-Ross has this one right. When I woke up the next morning, my eyes were crazy puffy, like I had a stroke or something. I also had a horrible horrible headache, the kind behind the eyes when you cry too much. The good news was, I had no desire to cry. Instead, I was pissed. Like really really pissed. I began mentally recapping everything leading up to this event. I was mad both at the organization, my boss, and myself for not seeing the signs. I began to think about what kind of retaliation I could do, imagining conversations in my head, and other passive aggressive things. The best part about this stage was being able to have lunch with friends to discuss the situation. And guess what? They were pissed for me! There is nothing more satisfying that knowing you've been totally fucked over and finding out that others have your back.

Stage 3: Frightening, overzealous optimism
IMMA GET A NEW JOB! A BETTER JOB! MAYBE TEN JOBS! THAT PAY REAL GOOD! MWAHAHAHAHAH!
I'll be honest, I'm almost out of anger and have been in and out of stage 3 all day. Kubler-Ross uses acceptance, but that doesn't seem to map on quite right. I've kind of accepted things, but am still pissed and am instead overcompensating with my new found forward thinking. In reality, I know that I was better than that job, I am young, crazy intelligent, and actually have interpersonal skills. I will get another job that will be better, and I have plenty of time in my career.

Stage 4: Sneaky crippling bouts of depression and panic
This isn't really a stage, but maybe a recurring "mini stage". Or some kind of feedback loop? I haven't figured out a good graphical representation yet. I'll need some popsicle sticks and glitter to really make a solid visual model. Throughout the stages I keep coming back to this feeling. I freak out and wonder how I'm going to pay my bills, what happens if I can't get another job, where will I live, how will I feed my cat, and what am I doing with my life in general? I'm hoping that in time, this stage will diminish.

So that's my proposed revised model. I left out denial and bargaining, because let's face it, those are for suckers. I can't promise I will blog on a regular basis, but documenting this journey seems mildly interesting, right? Tomorrow I have my meeting to discuss my severance and all of that fun adult stuff. I'm not sure what to expect or how long it will take. I'm hoping to be able to clean out my desk and hopefully delete my browser history from my computer. And also to save e-mail addresses of people who might give me a new job. Will I be provided with a box? Should I bring my own? Maybe some reusable grocery bags? I have a lot of food in my desk to bring home. What if I leave something behind on accident? Should I leave something behind on purpose? Carve my name into the back of a desk drawer? Steal the screws out of my crappy office chair? So many things to think about. Wish me luck.

To the future! Onward and upward!